kali pornia

everything has changed. absolutely nothing's changed

2011-12-20T10:11:00.001-05:00

take my hand, not my picture, spill my tincture.

i am one

2011-03-11T13:33:00.003-05:00

so it's starting to hit me that we will soon be a gang of four.

2 boys and 2 girls.

i converted to judaism, did you know that? probably not, i don't tell you anything anymore. it was a really great day. (sometimes i wish i could be more "present" and enjoy moments rather than worry if everyone else is having a good time.) the day went amazingly it was almost surreal. one of those days that takes a while to wash over me.

i dipped 3 times, bean dipped 3 times. then we got dressed and went for coffee. our hair was still wet from the mikvah. no one else knew that i had just committed to raise my family jewishly. we just sat and drank coffee while the bean and her grandmother ate yogurt with granola.

then we headed to the synagogue to have a little ceremony. that dang torah is heavier than i imagined. and i had to hold a scroll in each hand and with this belly, it was certainly a challenge. it was fun though and i remembered the shemah. and i looked into my husband's eyes and cried. so we are all jewish now. bean can marry a conservative if she chooses. danger will be born jewish. now if i could only remember to kiss the mezuzah when i come and go. :)

i have always said that those 3d sonograms creeped me out. likely (knowing me) because i thought they were expensive and that we couldn't afford one. turns out the sonogram lady could have been doing it all along. so she gave us some pictures of the danger boy all 3d'd up. of course the dad wanted a picture of his cocknballs. she obliged.

this is his face

home on the range

2011-01-11T16:16:00.002-05:00

so here i am. a little over six years after starting the LA hating blog, and i have little or no hate left. i mean, there's the whole courtney love thing but even that is waning. which is truly fucked up.

i got married, hadababyitsagirl and now i have another one on the way.

i have stuff going on, but nothing like hate. once i fell in love with my husband it was hard to hate anymore. and now that i have fallen in love with my daughter, it's damn near impossible. shit just gets put into perspective i guess.

maybe i'm still honeymooning. i'm only 2 years into the marriage. i had to get shit done because i'm an old lady. my biggest suffering today comes from financial insecurity. i still have trouble with a budget and saving money and all that. from the looks of our national financial identity, i'm not alone.

i think about blogging a lot. but the things that drive me batty these days are so personal. i guess they were personal then too. i don't know why i'm afraid to continue. i guess i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

i started another blog, a secret blog. i mean, you can find it, but i can fix that. i wonder whether to blog there and tell all, or blog here and just tone it down. toning it down sounds horribly boring. but there's nothing to say that my life isn't boring anyway.

so yeah how'm i doing? heh. i used to write a column about my sexual escapades and now i talk about hemorrhoids and toddler poop consistency. woot.

2009-06-19T11:29:00.003-04:00

i saw janes addiction the other night. it was our first post-baby date. i didn't take a camera even though we were 10 feet away from perry. duh.

had to sit(stand)through nine inch nails first. we got there and i saw everyone i knew. said to the girl next to me "who is this" she says "nine inch nails." duh.

i really thought i'd never see janes. so glad i did. tonsilitis and all. $80 a ticket and all. the band rocked it even though we're all old.

man i'm glad i went.

2009-05-16T19:30:00.001-04:00

i spent a half an hour in the nursery this morning before work

2009-03-30T08:10:00.002-04:00

i sat on my grandmothers art deco chair and cried.
sobbed, rather.

i am still two days away from my due date and i am OVER it. i have tried my heart out not to be over it, but i just am.

please please please don't get me wrong. it has all been so easy for me. the whole nine months have been really manageable. even with the early weeks' nausea, the upper back pain, the swelling (oye the swelling), the hip aches, the peeing, the sore thighs, achy knees, hurting pelvis... none of that has been unmanageable. seriously, those symptoms came one at a time and were just, really, nothing.

still this morning i was cursing all the people who told me that i was "definitely going early." those people meant no harm, and i'm sure they believed it. but here we are two days before the due date and i still have my mucus plug. i still haven't "dropped" they tell me (whatever that means) and the last doctors visit put me at 1cm dilated, IF that...

so this morning on the way to work i tried my dernedest to give it back to g-d. i had been doing such a good job of turning it over, not worrying, just showing up. but this morning i fell into the self pity. so i tried to hand it back off to Him.

asked him to take it back, that i was trying to control something that was beyond my control. but i noticed that piece of me in the background that was hoping that my giving it back to god would mean that it would happen today. ya know? that piece that says "as soon as you give it back over, it happens." but sometimes that's not the case. i know better than to set conditions on the turning it over. so i took a mental step back and tried again. to hand it over unconditionally.

part of me knows that this is a sign of things to come. that from here on out, this child makes the decisions. the center of my universe has begun to shift.

still, the lady at shoppers food warehouse who said to me yesterday "oh honey that baby ain't coming on wednesday..." should consider herself lucky to still have all her teeth.

only doing it cuz ALa tagged me (and because 6 seems more manageable than 25)

2009-01-13T14:08:00.002-05:00

1. link to the person that tagged you
2. post the rules to your blog
3. share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
4. tag six random people at the end by linking to their blogs
5. let the random people know they've been tagged
6. let your tagger know you've posted.

1. i have left myspace for facebook and use my real name
2. i am terrified that i can't keep my house clean enough for a newborn
3. i have six dogs, two cats, a guinea pig and 5 fish
4. i hate mustard and have only just recently been able to even touch the bottle to put on my husband's sandwiches. this is how you know that i am really in love.
5. i got married in september and already i don't speak to one of my bridesmaids.
6. i have been clean and sober for a little over 3 years now. (i started this blog four years ago)

what will i look like in 4 months??

2008-12-11T12:22:00.005-05:00

it's no secret

2008-11-26T08:14:00.001-05:00

that i wanted a boy. i thought a boy would be easier all around and i'm scared to death of girls. i mean, i WAS a girl. that's enough to scare bejesus out of me. plus, i wouldn't wish middle school on anyone's female child. girls in packs are UGLY. shit so are boys. but mostly to girls. so we get the shit end of the stick either way.

alas, my child is female. so far as they can tell anyway. i have another ultrasound on dec 9th and i'll ask her to check again to be sure. they CAN be 100% sure if it is a boy. not so much if it's a girl. i mean, with a boy if the tech sees an extra appendage then she's pretty sure. if there is a LACK of appendage... i guess you get the point.

i went to the doc yesterday for a check up. found out i have gained 14 pounds since the pregnancy. not too bad for 22 weeks. i still worry about the extra pounds. they are harder to take off at my age. i'm not worried like hollywood worried, but still, it occurs to me.

so doc's went well. i had some extra ketones in my pee pee. perhaps a cold. no biggie. then i say. "hey can you look at this thing on my thigh? i think it's exema but my husband says it's ringworm. can you just look at it and tell me it's not ringworm?

"sure," she says, "lemme see it."

so i pull my pants down to my knees to show her my thigh.

"oh yeah, that's ringworm."

heh.

"so what do i do?" i ask.

"well first, STOP touching it!" she says.

then she prescribed some cream. btw ringworm is not a worm. and you can get it from your dog. or your husband's athlete's foot. ... just sayin'...

just felt the baby move

2008-11-04T09:18:00.002-05:00

for the first time.

it was a little bittersweet though, because it HURT!

why's she gotta be poking me in my spleen? i can see where this is going...

week 18

2008-10-29T07:44:00.003-04:00

ok so here we go... MOMMY BLOG!

so once we started planning the wedding i started with the "i'm not sure that i'm able to get pregnant" shit... i mean, i had never had a real scare. and (close your eyes, sister) i had certainly not been careful throughout my days. so i started thinking that i was barren. no proof, i had never tried, i just "had a feeling."

turns out i was wrong.

the first month that i got him to try... it took. who knew. also it was only a little bit inconvenient that that TIME came while we were visiting my parents. on july fourth. oh yeah, there were fireworks.

belly

contents

at this moment

2008-10-16T07:27:00.002-04:00

i'm pretty sure that
attitude by the bad brains
and
cough/cool by the misfits
are the two best songs
ever written.

but ask me tomorrow and i could tell you differently.

this bed's too big without you

2008-10-09T15:39:00.004-04:00

what did you do this weekend?

2008-06-09T22:07:00.005-04:00

since the turkeys moved in next door...

2008-05-15T15:10:00.002-04:00

life has been, uhm... interesting.

i have a love/hate with them. yesterday morning they held me hostage on the front porch until i chased them home with a mop.

in both hands.

because i tried holding my coffee in one hand and the mop in the other but they didn't take me seriously.

so i had to put the coffee down. terrorists.

when i got home last night the umbrella from dj and kerri's tree pile was on the front porch. last i saw it was in the back of the pick up to take to the dump.

e said "why don't you ask me why the umbrella is on the front porch?"

so i did.

apparently they sauntered up to the truck as he pulled in the driveway yesterday. pinned him there until he got out the umbrella...

did i tell you there were three now?

tesco not vee

2008-05-01T22:28:00.002-04:00

1. choose 19 of the songs you like best, regardless of artist or genre.
2. put them all together in a CD.
3. make 5 other copies.
4. post your playlist on your blog.
5. choose 5 people and send them a copy of your CD each. send the first copy you made to the one who tagged you.

drown - smashing pumpkins
cough cool - misfits
battery - metallica
planet caravan - black sabbath
where did you sleep last night - nirvana
baggage - l7
precious things - tori
ocean size - janes
juggernaut - clutch
bad mouth - fugazi
whirlwind - gits
aenima - tool
belrays - testify
lungfish - friend to friend in endtime
bed's too big without you - police
i'm broken - pantera
how do i get him the fuck out of my living room? - music hates you
small victory - faith no more
sweet hitchhiker - creedence clearwater revival

tesco, cullen, courtney, michele, sweaty, email me your addresses

the good thing about studying macroeconomics

2008-04-10T12:03:00.004-04:00

is that it reinforces my belief system. it's always good to find out you're on point.

Unintended Lesson

Russell Roberts

Last night, Hillary Clinton was on the Tonight Show and she gave a phenomenal example of the power of economics. Unfortunately, she did not appear to understand the example. At the 3:23 mark of this video, she tells a story (HT: Jim Colburn):

I was in Indianapolis the other day and I was shaking hands after I spoke. And there was this young boy about eleven years old and he's trying to tell me something—you know the crowd was yelling—so I leaned over and he said, "You know, my mom makes minimum wage and even though it went up, her hours were cut. So we're not making any more money. Can you help her?" You know, when somebody says something like that to you, it really does kind of energize me. I think, yeah, I can, I'm going to really try to help you, because this is wrong. And everywhere I go I hear stories like that about veterans who don't get health care, about people, who are, you know, losing their jobs, and I think we can do so much better. So for me it's just get up every day and fight on because this country's worth fighting for.

She then launched into a litany of economic disaster ("we're borrowing money from the Chinese to pay for oil from the Saudis") and finished up talking about the "deteriorating middle class."

I don't believe the story. What eleven year-old boy whispers into the ear of a big shot the details of his mother's wage/hours mix? And I like how she had to lean over--no one--not even Bill Richardson or Sinbad--can contradict her.

But let's give Hillary the benefit of the doubt. Suppose the story really did happen. She clearly thinks the story is emblematic of something important that needs to get fixed. What is it? Just when you help someone by passing a minimum wage, greedy employers ruin everything by lowering the hours. Well, we need to "fight" and fix that, too.

I wish Jay Leno had pointed out that the cut in hours was the result of passing the minimum wage--that it was as inevitable as gravity. I wish he'd said that the story showed how the minimum wage is a false promise of prosperity. I wish he'd pointed out that fighting isn't enough, caring isn't enough, that prosperity can't be legislated any more than self-interest can be made illegal. I wish Jay Leno had said that when you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging.

And if that little boy really exists, I'd like to tell him that a Senator fighting for you is a losing proposition. You have to fight for yourself. If your Mom wants more money, she needs to go back to school or work a second job. And as for you, stay in school. It's the best way to avoid earning the minimum wage.

see what i'm saying? this class might not be such a pain in the ass after all...

dear clutch management:

2008-03-06T09:15:00.004-05:00

hi. my name is [kali pornia]. i grew up in baltimore, md. i have seen more clutch shows than any other show. and that's saying something. i've loved you guys since dc space and the rev.

i've seen you guys in several different states, even in LA when i lived out there in hell. the concert was called an evening with clutch and it was the best show i've ever seen. bar none.

i saw you play on the best new years eve in memory.

on the last tour i saw you at the (new) 930 club. i was in the pit and i got knocked the fuck out. whoops.

i am 35 years old and i am getting married for the first time in september. the first thing i thought when my fiance proposed was "i wonder how much clutch would charge to play at my wedding."

i would be remiss if i didn't inquire. it would be the best day of my fucking life. (as if it won't be already -- heh)

so. how much?

thanks for your time.
[kali pornia]

p.s. we are having the wedding in the backyard and you would play on the 36 foot halfpipe that we built.

p.p.s. hi jean-paul. you fucking rock.

RIP omar

2008-03-05T13:33:00.002-05:00

baddest man on a mop crutch. you didn't deserve to go out like that.

where is he and IS HE SINGLE???

2008-02-25T10:52:00.001-05:00

"Women either love him or hate him, but they know he’s a man, not a dishrag. If they’re looking for someone to walk all over, they’ve got the wrong guy. He stands up straight, opens doors for women and says “Yes, sir” and “No, ma’am.”
...
He’s not a racist, but he is annoyed and disappointed when people of certain backgrounds exhibit behavior that typifies the worst stereotypes of their race. He’s willing to give everybody a fair chance if they work hard, play by the rules and learn English.

Most important, the Angry White Man is pissed off. When his job site becomes flooded with illegal workers who don’t pay taxes and his wages drop like a stone, he gets righteously angry. When his job gets shipped overseas, and he has to speak to some incomprehensible idiot in India for tech support, he simmers. When Al Sharpton comes on TV, leading some rally for reparations for slavery or some such nonsense, he bites his tongue and he remembers. When a child gets charged with carrying a concealed weapon for mistakenly bringing a penknife to school, he takes note of who the local idiots are in education and law enforcement."

read it all

i cannot believe

2008-02-19T13:30:00.001-05:00

that you don't love me like i love you.
that's not my ego talking
it's just the truth
i can't believe it.
i thought i felt it.

i don't want to be an addict anymore, ok?

2008-01-18T08:30:00.001-05:00

we talked for four years
about meeting up
i shook his hand on monday
then he died.

May 2, 2006
It's quicker to write
Posting photos takes time
My girl taught me a shortcut
But my girl isn't here
Posting photos takes time
56K my arse
More like 26something

Here comes the humidity
Here comes the humidity

Foxxy girls from Maryland claim they understand it better
But I understand foxxy girls from Maryland and humidity

Here comes another tornado
Here comes another 1800$ increase

Drunk on Tuesday evening might s well be drunk everyday that
they are counting
Not that my people are counting
Ok, maybe my people are counting

If I were a piliot I would would tell you
"When we land it only gets better!"
But I'm a fucking bus driver
so I can only tell you to hang on

Hang on
Hang in there

Chances are I Do
But right now I don't
Pissing on less important toes is the key
at this moment while you read each line and decide
whether or not I mean it

The truth is
I don't
Maybe
I do
But numb
is numb
and
I am
numb
to you
and
you
and you
and
you
don't make me want to sort it out

Another abrasive poet in Poetryville
All this time
I considered
myself
to be
the mayor
of
Poetryville

Wrong poet
Right city

-Sean Sinn aka
Sid Sars aka
Chance Pritchard
RIP

chance of thundersnow

2008-01-14T07:52:00.000-05:00

so last night (? this weekend?) they announced the winners of the golden globes.
there was no ceremony because apparently hollywood can't decide how to cut the writers off a piece of the internet profits.

i could give a shit about the strike. i mean, i'm sorry you're out of work, writers but that's what you get for joining a union. and i don't really watch tv except the wire now and UFC fighting and fox news in the morning and uhm wait there's one more i can't think of it... shit it must not be that important then.

so what i wanted to talk about was the fact that broadcast television only received one award. ONE. (it was 30rock.) the rest of the globes went to cable television.

i think that says something. or a lot of things. but what?

humbled county

2007-12-28T08:31:00.000-05:00

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The desert-dwelling creosote bush can survive for centuries on little water. In the Mohave Desert there is a ring of creosote, named "King Clone," whose age has been carbon-dated at 11,700 years. The hardiness of this low-maintenance wonder reminds me of you, Virgo. You sometimes entertain the fantasy that the less you need, the stronger you'll be. The downside of this attitude is that you may unwittingly make it hard for people to give you their gifts. The upside is that you've learned many secrets about how to nurture and take care of yourself. But in 2008, I foresee you making a shift away from the creosote bush metaphor. You're more likely to resemble a tomato bush that gets watered regularly.

so. uhm. i'm in this place. where i've acted badly (badly? weird word, "bad." maybe not so accurate. how about poorly.. ya i guess that's better.) but don't want to be held accountable for it. like rather than own up to my embarrasing temper tantrum i'd just rather run.

and running has always brought me such great gifts. gifts like starting over, poverty, drug use, loss of jobs, homelessness, degradation, pitiful and incomprehensible demorilization. /sarcasm.

so i get to sit for a minute. say, "MAN i fucked up." realize that man i'm gonna fuck up again. just because i don't look like i'm in recovery doesn't mean i'm not. i am being FORCE FED humility by my own hand. hello eighth step. thought i might get away without experiencing pain.

my head is attacking me

2007-12-19T08:54:00.000-05:00

you're not smart you're stupid so no need to have a huge ego about it plus now you've acted like a fucking mental case in front of someone whom you're supposed to be helping, helping, heh what a concept helping do what? act like a crazy person? that's the only kind of help you're fit to give how to be a crazy person 101. how to mentally spiral downward in .03 seconds or less and now you've acted like a complete fuck up you might as well go use. being accountable for your bad behavior is so fucking unbearable to you why don't you just go fuck everything up. and you say you want to have children? awesome. go ahead pass on the crazy gene, good thinking. how would you even be fit to take care of a child, no wonder god made you barren you're fucking crazy and you would raise a crazy child who's scared to death of it's crazy mother. why don't you just fucking kill yourself you are useless.

2007-11-15T08:22:00.000-05:00

so you know we built a ramp in the backyard, right?

well the first night it was finished we hosted the
first annual who's who of randallstown RAMPage!!!

and then e broke his foot. first fucking day...

surgery is tuesday. we're hosting thanksgiving dinner on thursday.
should be a fun week.

(btw the ramp has it's own myspace page)

in other news, my high school sweetheart holds up atlantic city.
yes really my boyfriend in high school. though i assume he's over me now as he is married with children from what the news reports say. also i had no idea he did time in prison for robbing a bank. doesn't surprise me though. he said he did it for money to finance his screenplay. makes sense to me.

part of me wishes he did something bigger... i have bad poetry that he wrote me on stationary inscribed with his name. it could be worth money if he went down in a blaze of glory. he used to be into the seahawks and motley crue. private school boy.

sad part is, he's real smart and funny... totally one of US though if you know what i mean... so it makes sense that he's a little crazy.

ah well.

murl doesn't watch football

2007-11-07T11:04:00.000-05:00

murl has forwarded you this craigslist.org posting.
Please see below for more information.

Free- All items Purple and Black
Reply to: sale-470688107@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-06, 1:02PM

I am giving away all of my posessions that are purple and black. I am also giving away all of my items that contain the symbol of a bird that Edgar Allen Poe wrote about.
These items are in perfectly good condition it is just too painful for me to wear and/or look at them.
All items not taken will be burned in bonfire tonight

* Location: Baltimore
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Original URL: http://baltimore.craigslist.org/zip/470688107.html
-------------------------------------------------
this craigslist posting was forwarded to you by someone using our
email-a-friend feature - if you want to prevent these, please go to:
http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/te/sF2avBXap5mcnBUYpFWbj5CbA02b3
-------------------------------------------------

kali:
good luck finding someone to take that shit...

murl:
its bizzarro. how dramatic.....

kali
ya i was kinda kidding too. get it?

murl
huh?

kali:
i was saying "ya who wants that purple shit now?"
i was on that guy's side. efff the ravens.

murl:
OH AHAHAHAHA i didn't even THINK of the football ravens i was thinking it was some goth dork.

WOW it takes me a while......

like mother like canine daughter

2007-11-06T12:53:00.000-05:00

my oldest girl has hyphema.
kinda like that link only her entire eye is red.

she was mixing it up ~~in the pit~~ at the fence
and musta got kicked in the eyeball

she is currently blind in one eye
the condition may be permanent

but mine healed, so maybe?

2007-10-30T09:11:00.000-04:00

2007-10-29T10:39:00.001-04:00

oh ok so DON'T shoot my friend in the head with a nailgun

2007-10-18T09:50:00.001-04:00

dog blog

2007-10-05T09:16:00.000-04:00

my sister gave biggie (whom she refuses to call biggie) a ridiculous pink rhinestone collar that (thankfully) doesn't fit.

i thought we could squeeze it on for a picture though... turns out i was wrong:

hey look at it this way... it lasted longer than the tug toy:

does anyone want a puppy?

2007-10-03T08:58:00.000-04:00

damn my friends are FUNNY!

2007-09-21T08:53:00.001-04:00

actual text "conversation" transcribed below
featuring stellar love life advice from yours truly:

murl:
Do u think I should pick
---- as a new candidate?

me:
sure, he's socially
awkward!

murl:
O great that sounds
perfect. is he funny? cus i
need funny

me:
dunno but we can find out!

murl:
Hm

me:
he seemed funny tonight.

murl:
I think i should end my
relationship with him now i
feel like its not working

me:
you should know ----- is
after him

murl:
Heh thats ok i think we are
gonna break up

Animal Rescue

2007-08-28T08:09:00.000-04:00

Hi, all you animal lovers. This is pretty simple... The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals.

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on the purple box "fund food for animals" for free. This doesn't cost you a thing.

Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising.

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.

CLICK HERE TO HELP!

last holy-fuck-i'm-old-post until next year...

2007-08-27T14:17:00.000-04:00

yesterday i rode a dirtbike for the first time.
today i am thirty-five.

yesterday i jumped the dirtbike off of a ramp and also lost it in the sand and ate dirt. man it was really really fun.
today i am sore.

(seriously though, i think a truck and a cr125 are in my near future.)

i think i'm kinda freaking out

2007-08-21T11:43:00.001-04:00

about my birthday.
i will be older than dirt.

can dirt have babies?

wacko launches me murl captures

2007-08-13T13:23:00.000-04:00

you can tell he has kids by the way he says, "now whadya gonna do?"

e is the best tho

so good he tried it backwardz

when i was a little girl

2007-08-10T07:23:00.000-04:00

i remember my mom woke up at 5:30 in the morning. i used to think that she was crazy for getting up so early. i mean, sometimes she left right after she woke me up at the ungodly hour of 6:30. and sometimes she left my father to wake me up a little later. who knows why, but even though i got to sleep in a little when my dad woke me up, i still preferred to be woken up by my mom. that's another story for a different day but the point is i used to think that she was fucking crazy for waking up at 5:30.

these mornings that is not what i think. in fact, when i'm making the bed, putting together his lunch and feeding the dogs (though admittedly i neither fed the dogs or put together his lunch today -- thanks, e) i am thinking, man how the fuck did she do all that in an hour?

this is NOT, however what i think when my alarm goes off at 5:15. right about then i am thinking.. "just five more minutes... "

so this morning when i was walking the 6 dogs to the back of the yard for their last pass at 6:15 i was wondering how i got here to this place where i wake up at an ungodly hour. and the place where i talk to the dogs like this:

"did everyone go poop? jackie did you poop? i can't have you pooping in the house. i saw buster go poop and i saw winnie go poop, but i didn't see you go poop. biggie traded my underwear for some poop this morning while i was taking a shower so i know that she went, but i haven't seen you poop yet..." you get the picture i guess. i can't fathom adding children to the mix.

tomorrow we ride...

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

2007-08-08T11:56:00.000-04:00

Why fight for rights that are already yours, Virgo? Why sacrifice yourself for the benefit of people who wouldn't fully appreciate your gifts? And why are you even thinking about dividing when you should be multiplying? Any of these acts would be a crime against yourself. So listen up: You just have to hold out a little longer. If you can avoid running up a big karmic debt in the next few days, if you can refrain from hurting yourself in a misguided attempt to fix situations that can't be fixed, you'll be home free. Soon the whole cast of monsters, demons, and goons will pack up their inane torture devices and go trundling back to the hells where they came from.

BREAKING news!!! i hate work.

2007-08-03T11:35:00.000-04:00

so what's up it's summer i've been having muy mucho fun (someone just told me to say muchisimo instead but fuck 'em i like sounding like el diablo blanco.)

winnie had puppies, remember? i had three then kept them too long and fell in love and when i sold two of them i got very sad some would say i cried but they'd be defying my wishes of privacy.

so i kept one. whatever. what's three dogs when you already have two. and they're small. then i took winnie to get spayed yesterday so no more falling in love with puppy litters and then having my heart break when it's time for them to go. oh ya alos no cervical cancer for miss winnie which is an extra added plus. (just kidding i really did get the surgery for her the other stuff is just FUNNY)

they say winnie is fine just a little sleepy she had to stay overnight and now i can't get her until after work i MISS HER!!!

michalel vick should be put down

2007-07-18T07:57:00.000-04:00

six years is NOT ENOUGH and god knows he won't get the maximum i could give a shit about the NFL on this one the man needs to be drawn and quartered oh my god i am so fucking mad right now i can't believe it...

"Some of the grisly details in these filings shocked even me, and I'm a person who faces this stuff every day," he said. "I was surprised to see that they were killing dogs by hanging them and one dog was killed by slamming it to the ground. Those are extremely violent methods of execution they're unnecessary and just sick."

Vick and the others are accused of "knowingly sponsoring and exhibiting an animal fighting venture" and conducting a business enterprise involving gambling, as well as buying, transporting and receiving dogs for the purposes of an animal fighting venture.

About eight young dogs were put to death at the Surry County home after they were found not ready to fight in April 2007, the indictment said. They were killed "by hanging, drowning and/or slamming at least one dog's body to the ground."

tell me if this is normal..

2007-07-17T10:05:00.000-04:00

when people walk by my desk (which is really an all access counter open area) and tell me to "smile" i want to fly over the counter vertical style and fucking wrap my hands around their necks and squeeze until their heads pop right the fuck off...

dying of uniqueness

2007-07-16T10:12:00.000-04:00

wow. never ceases to amaze me how one area of my life can be going so well and the other can go down the toilet so quickly. at least in my head.

i just realized this morning that i am a secretary, and that i will be a secretary for the next 2 or three years. and sometimes that sucks. i used to think people treated waitresses badly. and they do. but sometimes being treated like a secretary is even worse. man.

see if i could just sit through this shit for a couple of years i wouldn't be a secretary at 34. this is always where i run into trouble.

so this morning i resisted the urge to walk the fuck out of a job that is paying for me to get my masters degree. and because my EGO is screaming for attention it was a much harder temptation than it should've been.

in other news, relationship-wise i'm happier than a pig in shit. i'm almost afraid to talk about it for fear of jinxing it. i'm taking him to meet the family in two weeks. if we make it two weeks past that, i'm going to propose. (i kid)

and now for something really anti-climactic...

"another shot of whiskey and that's about the only way I can listen to you anymore

2007-07-13T19:24:00.000-04:00

go ahead and drown me of everything
at least i still got my place at the bar."

fucking mia zapata, dudes.

man we lost a good one in 93...

i get to see this little pookie this weekend...

2007-07-11T09:30:00.000-04:00

From: my nephew (and my sister) [he's 3, she's 37]
To: my mom and dad (his grammy and poppop)
Date: Wed, 11 Jul 2007 08:20:26 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Hi
Hi Grammy and Poppop,

I am bringing my bug collector and I want to go bug collecting with you on Friday. I got bugs. Last night, one bug escaped so now I only have one bug. I had a snail. It's gone. It escaped. Now I just have one bug. It is called Bumble Bee. It is dead so it is not going to escape.

I am bringing my robot. (No he's not) We can play with it. (No, you won't be able to because we're not bringing it.) He can smoosh down so he can come on the plane .(NO, he can't.)

Poppop, you can go bug hunting with me too.

Grammy, do you have choocolate peanut butter? Because I like chocolate peanut butter. Are you going to give it to me in bed again?

I will see you on Friday. It's Wednesday, then Thursday, then Friday I will be there. Friday we go to your house on the plane.

Love,
[kali's nephew]

the camera don't lie

2007-07-09T13:21:00.000-04:00

wtf happened?
i hate money i have none i hate feeling like a pauper people offering to buy me food having to track down money from people that owe me i hate people they make me feel stupid and poor and inadequate. being hungry and late won't help me do schoolwork today but i have a ton. fucking wah, right?

wtf this too shall pass but when and why do i hold onto bad feelings longer than good ones. when will i make ends meet when will i ever learn

...
to murl: i hate people i hate money i hate my job and i hate school.

from murl: O hunny i sure do know

...

from murl: We could start a hate club our secret handshake is punching our fists thru the wall

2007-07-06T07:39:00.000-04:00

2007-07-05T07:28:00.000-04:00

from Waltson Gregory hide details
Jul 4 (16 hours ago) to
Kali Pornia
dateJul 4, 2007 3:05 PM
subject:one long haired girl

hello,
Am really very happy ou mailed me back. Sorry for the late reply . The reason I am sending you this email is to make final reconfirmation of the Puppy and also to let you know that payment will be by certified Money Order . In view of this I need you to email me any information that may be required to send the Money Order, as I do not want to send the Payment to a wrong location lest they gets into the wrong hands.

Regarding the shipping, I have a company that takes care of the pick up of my consignments for me and ship to my destination anywhere in the U.S.A, you do not worry about shipping, the company will send down a representative to arrange the sales documentation and the pick up from your end for onward transfer to my
destination.

I also want to alert you on the fact that you will be recieving an overdraft Payment which will cover the money for the pickup (pickup and shipping to the final destination) as well as the money to be paid to the company that will take care of the pickup and the documentation with you. So please, as soon as you receive the Payment, go and cash them immediately, deduct the money that accrues to you, and send the balance to the Head Office of the company that handles the shipment via the nearest Western Union agent in your area. Deduct the Western Union charges from the
balance and send the remaining immediately.

The Payment will be in your name to make it easier for you to receive payment, deduct your money and send the balance via Western Union as regards my earlier direction, please reconfirm your details one more time.
I will give you the details of the company that you will send the balance of the money to once I get a reply and agreement that you will send the money via Western Union money transfer immediately you cash the Payment.
Once the money is received by the agent, the shipping agent will contact you immediately to arrange the documentation as well as the pick up immediately. So in view of the above, here are some of the details I will need for final issuance of the Payment to you.
(1) Full Name
(2) Mailing address, no p.o.box please
(3) your direct telephone number
(4) acceptance of my offer

Once you get back to me with all the above, the Payment will be issued out immediately and it will be sent to you .

Thanks for your understanding in anticipation and hope to read from you today.
Best regards,
N.B

I will compensate you with $50 for the running arround and transportation.
Hope to hear from you immediately....

from kali pornia hide details 7:23 am (0 minutes ago) to Waltson Gregory dateJul 5, 2007 7:23 AM subjectRe: one long haired girl mailed-bygmail.com

sir i am highly concerned that you refer to the puppy as one of your "consignments." therefore i am not interested in doing any kind of business with you.

hope you find a soul.

if you know me

2007-06-15T13:30:00.000-04:00

or have been hanging out here for any length of time, then you'll know about my tendency to jump in to relationships. and i don't mean like start fucking someone and then immediately make them the only person that i'm dating because even THAT is an improvement...

i'm talking about moving them in with me on the third date. which i do. i have done many times.

fuck at least i learned to move THEM in with ME. the best lesson i had learned thus far is that i keep the FUCKING HOUSE, ya know? that was a pretty big one to learn.

and lately i've been understanding exactly why i developed that black widow-esque survival skill. it's because dating FUCKING SUCKS.

i am too insecure for this shit. i just don't fucking believe that anyone really likes me unless they move in and start sharing the bills.

(at which point they become like a roommate and get on my nerves because they're messy or lazy or blonde or just uh.. present. but that's a whole 'nother post)

so ya this dude could send flowers, do a jig, write a fucking song about how much he likes me and it still WOULDN'T BE ENOUGH. i shit you not. i literally go from zero to oh-shit-protect-yourself-he's-leaving in point two seconds.

and WTF? who knew i was a jealous person??? what is up with character defects coming out of the woodwork. self centered fear is a fucking bitch dude. where did it come from? i swear to you that my parents held me plenty as a child. they told me i was smart and could do anything that i wanted to.

so uh. why in the world am i so insecure?

have i bragged about my sex life lately?

2007-06-14T08:32:00.000-04:00

please, universe, don't ever let me take this for granted. it is amazing what getting laid regular will do for someone. much less getting laid well.

sex is free and fun. good thing cuz i'm be are oh kay eee.

i must be growing, people. because not too long ago my former bf told me it bothered him that i hung out with members of the opposite sex... i was like, "so what, get over it." basically.

this time i asked E if it bothered him that i was being tutored by my ex. he said ya it made him a little uncomfortable. so i said i could find stats help somewhere else. no ultimatums just an adult conversation. i mean, on the forreally? if he was being "tutored" by his ex i would be nuts over it.

cripes now i hafta find someone to help me with stats. and i'm lazy and proud so that makes it hard to ask for help.

ya stats class is hard. nothing is intuitive for me. every understanding is hard fought and hard won. i got an 85 on the first quiz and 100 on the second. and that was WITH the boy's help. mid term's on wednesday. fucking 10 week classes are killers.

48jfjkh9

2007-06-12T06:33:00.000-04:00

0-lunatic in 60 seconds or less.

all it takes is one "ignore"
i can do whatever i want because i know my intentions and i know that i'm crazy for you. you, however, don't let me into your brain. i do not know that you are crazy for me. i want what i want when i want it. not before and definitely not after.

i get embarrassed by my own repeated calls. i used to be able to hide it better than psycho girlfriend stalker status. making our plans without you is complicateder than one might think. i still get mad when you don't show up, so what if you didn't know you were supposed to don't BE A DICK you're supposed to KNOW. what? where is my mind?

trust issues

2007-06-07T16:42:00.000-04:00

so the mirror principle says that anything i'm seeing in others that i find unacceptable is indicative of tendencies in my behavior that i don't like.

so me having trust issues could mean that i'm not trustworthy. to be sure i've not been trustworthy in the past though i like to think i've learned how to keep a secret if someone asks for that favor.

i have found new freedom in honesty, however, and as much as i don't want to go back to the old lifestyle of keeping secrets i do need to respect other people's privacy. i tend to get honest with other people's information and that can be no bueno.

i don't need people figuring out my shit for me but i do need to get shit off my chest. good friends are sounding boards with their own experience. my favorite people don't offer advice unless they are asked.

my biggest trust issue is with the universe, however. and for that there is no mirror. the universe, god, a higher power, faith. faith that i will be okay no matter what. self reliance only gets me so far. i do not know things.

i have fear that i won't have children fear that i'm too old or too crazy to ever have a sound relationship, fear that i am too late to start a family or a career or if i really push it maybe i can have one but not the both. fear that i'll lose something that i have or not get something that i want.

trust issues.

trust that things happen for a reason if i'm not meant to be married with children then i won't be if i'm meant to be rich i will be. this is not to be mistaken for sitting on the couch and hoping that god pays my rent. i see consequences of human behavior. i know that i am not powernone i am just powerless.

breathe. enjoy today. be in the now. so simple. so very difficult.

i think i'm on the other side

2007-06-06T06:50:00.000-04:00

at least i'm less hopeless this morning.

i had no idea i would be rocked like that. i guess thinking you might die does that to a person. trauma. traumatic. those words shouldn't be used lightly. i wonder sometimes if i'm being dramatic. draumatic. heh. but the truth is that i feel what i feel. i have never felt so alone. and you should know by now, blog, that i feel alone, a lot.

i want to be mad to blame someone and i s'pose i could but i don't think that's how i wanna get where i'm going. yes flashes of anger. coming out sideways. why doesn't he fall into me? i want to fall into him. shit i already have. but it's always been easy for me. sometimes it seems fake because of that. but it's not. i don't do anything halfway. head first in to battle. love is a battlefield. ms. pat benatar. hot.

ok i think i'm done. i think i'm dumb.

if you can't be with the one you love...

2007-06-05T17:08:00.000-04:00

fuck the one you're with. dodo do do do do dodo.

uhm.

my insides feel like i did a million sit ups
literally
but i'm guessing there'll be no such reward
as tight abs

my head is thoroughly fucked.
not hurt but oh yes hurt.

do you ever feel like maybe you're doing something wrong?

this life thing ain't supposed to be so hard, is it? oh i guess i could not get in the pit not get in the car not throw myself headlong into everything i do but what would be the point? the best i get is high from the rush that feeling that i'm alive and great stories to tell our grandkids. the worst i get is a black eye bruised ribs and a broken heart.

is this payback time?

my mother my sister my father say slow down but none of them are one of us. you know who you are.

the love of my life once said to me: "you like to feel like you're falling off the edge of the world"
i said "i do?"

he said, "you must. you do it to yourself all the time."

2007-06-04T22:40:00.001-04:00

i can't see outside the car
it's not dark anymore but i can't see past the windshield
i can barely see his bag explode
it is silent except for the bang when we hit
the first wall
and then the bang and screech as we slide down the other

it's exactly like they say
slow motion
silent
until the car comes to a stop and i hear him asking
are you okay
are you okay
are you okay

i can't breathe right
i can't talk
this moment won't end.

steve martin on how to make a million dollars and not pay taxes...

2007-06-01T07:29:00.000-04:00

"OK, first you get a million dollars. Second, don't pay taxes."

post coital romance...

2007-05-30T09:04:00.000-04:00

"say something nice to me"
"you're hot"
"nnoooo something nice..."
...
"you're a nice lady."
"that's it?"
"uhm. you're a good driver."

: )

i guess boredom is the answer

2007-05-27T07:37:00.000-04:00

to blogger's block.

would that be called blblock or bblock or perhaps blogck. blogck. heh that sounds dirty. i like it.

so i'm at my parent's house on the eastern shore of virginia. for the long weekend. i brought all 5 dogs down. thank g-d E let me borrow his truck else i'd have been even crazier by the time i left b-more.

puppies screaming form the back as i run to giant for one last errand. dogs everywhere, health insurance credit card won't swipe, i use the other one go to get fennel for my dad because you can't find it on the eastern shore, realize i forgot my liscence in my motorcycle jacket, trying to activate my new phone says i need an order number from the packing slip, hell i have to go back anyway, puppies sceraming they have no idea why alluva sudden their home is on wheels wtf???

anywho, i got off and now i'm here. a little vacay with my coolest uncle and my coolest cousin. all the cool kids are here. and now we're going to church. my parents church. ungh. i'm going to do my best impression of acting "as if."

i'm gonna act "as if" i don't want to kill everyone in the church. k?

never pictured myself as a beemer girl, but...

2007-05-24T09:50:00.000-04:00

5.0-liter, 40-valve V-10 engine with M high-pressure Double-VANOS "steplessly" variable valve timing

10 individual throttle butterflies, electronically controlled

G-sensitive semi-dry-sump lubrication system

Oil coolant heat exchanger

Digital Motor Electronics (DME) with on-board diagnostics

3-way catalytic converter with heated oxygen sensor

7-speed Sequential Manual Gearbox (SMG) with DRIVELOGIC

Dynamic Stability Control (DSC) with M Dynamic Mode (MDM)

All Season Traction with M Variable Differential Lock

Vehicle-speed-sensitive variable-assist power steering (M Servotronic) with M Driving Dynamics Control (2 settings – throttle and steering)

Aluminum double-pivot strut-type front suspension and 4-link integral rear suspension

Independent suspension with M calibration (stiffened dampers, springs and anti-roll bars; modified rear axle geometry)

Electronic Damping Control with Comfort, Normal and Sport mode

Lightweight, double-joint spring strut front axle with aluminum crossbar

Lightweight integral rear axle

4-wheel BMW M vacuum-assisted ventilated, cross-drilled anti-lock compound disc brakes (ABS)

*** just to be clear ***
MSRP $99,100
Destination & Handling $775

just imagine the pre-production meeting...

2007-05-17T13:31:00.001-04:00

holy wow i'm fucking rocky!

2007-05-16T13:25:00.000-04:00

AND FRANK ZAPPA MIXED WITH MEL BROOKS
sorry didn't mean to yell i'm just so excited.

no rest for the weary...

2007-05-16T08:25:00.000-04:00

"Welcome to Statistics for Business! Now that the course is full (with a wait list) I can send this out without a risk of leaving anyone out. I have attached the Blackboard enrollment instructions, and I encourage you to enroll soon because there is a reading assignment in preparation for the first class. We are operating on a compressed schedule (Only 10 weeks in which to cover a 15 week course) so we need to be as efficient as possible." -- kali's summer stats prof

i got knocked the fuck out

2007-05-12T09:12:00.000-04:00

last night:

this morning:

clutch show 9:30 i'm in the pit the whole time except for the hippie songs when i go back and drink some free water with murl.

i'm getting my rocks off because tomorrow night i'm taking a date and i won't really go nuts then so i'm begging for a fight but none of the jocks will get mad they all love it -- high fives all around. they fall down i pick them up they hug me a little too long say i saved their life, man this is fucking boring you people are no fun.

i'm back in the pit for round three i see some crusty old punks from the old days good to see we're not all dead. head nods go up all around, FUCK it's good to see us getting old not all of us made it some of us are fatter and have wrinkles but dammit doesn't it feel just like the old days except fewer grrls, chicks these days are pussies i blame paris hilton.

so i'm rockin and rollin and what not and in for the close up comes a meaty head BLAM to the eye, wow that's gonna hurt, FUCK whadya mean "gonna" that fucking hurts.

shit starts closing in i like to think that i chose to go down someone has my wrist my legs are jelly i'm down for the count and

out.

i wake up to some dude carrying my ass out of the pit to the front "medic medic" everyone is shouting what the fuck it's not a freaking war dude i just got clocked shit i see, my face through my eye, it seems to be swelling very fast.

tammy faye is dying

2007-05-10T13:34:00.000-04:00

of cancer

i'm kinda sad... she was very nice to me.

i got a b in that class

2007-05-09T22:45:00.000-04:00

and murl is pissed

i never thought i would write about this

2007-05-04T08:57:00.000-04:00

but i'm having trouble keeping this blog going... i don't like when bloggers blog about not blogging but it's not what you think.

yes it is.

part of it is that i don't have time anymore. i'm busy with life these days, thanks god. the motorcycle is back on the road. i have good friends and there's good weather to enjoy. i have always felt that i did my best work while tortured (unique i know) and the fact is that i'm just not tortured right now.

this blog was started in pain. and it's best days were painful.

so now? i'm not in that much pain. eh, give me a month. heh.

and here i thought my QDM class was over...

2007-05-02T09:13:00.000-04:00

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "Have you heard of the 'Nine Pregnant Women' rule?" asks businessman Scott Mills. "It takes nine months to have a baby--but you can't get the job done in one month with nine
pregnant women. That rule applies to any project: As you think about managing the time that's available to complete a project, it's critical that you identify which steps you must complete sequentially." I suggest you install the Nine Pregnant Women rule at the center of your meditations right now, Virgo. The time is right for you to gaze at the big picture of your life from on high, and then formulate a revised set of long-term plans.

how the fuck is it possible

2007-04-27T20:38:00.000-04:00

that i'm the least clueless of my freaking quantitative decision making group.

seriously.

2007-04-26T08:52:00.000-04:00

the best way this conversation could EVER go...

2007-04-21T09:48:00.000-04:00

"i'm already losing weight."

"how can you tell?"

"by the way my clothes fit."

"well, whatever you do, DON'T lose it in your ass or your hips."

stay tuned this shit is better than the young and the restless..

2007-04-06T21:31:00.000-04:00

so you read about the other night with my ex.
what you didn't read was that after sushi we went back to his truck and had sex. sounds funny doesn't it?
well, you know, the truck has a bedroom in the back just like our old vw pop-up only bigger. it's really nice, he has wireless internet and all kinds of fun shit back there.

i can't explain to you what a nice night it was. we laughed and talked. it was just like old times.

we chatted about his fifteen year old daughter. when we lived together in LA her mother sent papers saying that the new husband was adopting the daughter. i held him while he cried and then signed those papers. it was a nightmare but we made it through.

his daughter has a myspace page. he keeps up with her on it. he says she's off the chain.

"myspace?" i say. "you HAVE to add me!"
"sure," he says...

last night i went to dinner with my ex boyfriend

2007-04-05T17:58:00.000-04:00

the five year one.

we went and ate sushi.

as we're being seated, i go to take my seat in the booth facing the restaurant. uhm, ya i don't sit with my back to the door. anywhere. because of the "what if i get jumped" factor. it's an old habit, and trust me it HAS come in handy just like i thought.
but he pushes his way to my seat.

"no no no, i don't sit with my back to the door," he says.
"well, neither do i," say i.
"ya but I'M the boy," he says. "i know that you're the alpha dog in all your other relationships, but not with me."

you know? he's right. i always say that i want to be the woman in a relationship. and i want the man to be the man. but i'm not going to just give it to you. you have to take it.

i've known this for a long time about myself, but still keep picking men that don't stand up to me. silly, really, doncha think?

the sushi was awesome. everything he ordered was perfect.

oh cripes, thanks for the legacy o'malley

2007-04-03T09:25:00.000-04:00

"With warmer weather setting in, East Coast cities must look at creative ways to keep people from killing each other."

here's some local video just for shits and giggles. our mayor suggesting conflict resolution classes for our drug dealers. cool! another feckless government subsidized project. go tax money go!

i want this shirt please for $82

2007-04-02T13:15:00.000-04:00

when did i become this person?
i bought a coach bag the other day.
and i like shoes.
what is happening to me?

update: said purse

if you're my family you may not wanna read this...

2007-03-24T19:04:00.000-04:00

...

ok i warned you though.

last night was probably the worst night i've had since i've been clean. yes worse than the day it hit me that i cheated on my boyfriend with an unprotected iv drug user. and that was a bad fucking day.

last night i hurt myself pretty badly. physically and emotionally. i couldn't stop saying very bad things about my self to myself. the worse it got the madder i got. at my self. and then i called my self worse things. i felt out of control and bat shit crazy. i was certainly acting crazy. had you been here you probably wouldve taken me to the psych ward. if i hadnt had my friend amber i prolly wouldve ended up at the psych ward. i'm pretty sure.

last night was the first time i envisioned the knife cutting my wrists. you know how they ask you when you say that you're suicidal if you've envisioned how you would do it? ya well now i can't say 'no' anymore. this morning i thought maybe i would hang myself from a rope and jump out the window. i thought maybe i'd bash my head against the bricks before the rope snapped my neck.

this afternoon i got my period.

the night before last i didn't get enough sleep.

apparently that coupled with the fact that i hate myself for not staying in love with someone that i should be really happy with can push me over the fucking edge.

my fists are sore and my head has lumps on it. i haven't done that in a very long time. especially without an audience. i used to think i did it for attention. that blows that theory. except, of course, the fact that i'm writing about it now.

i'm fairly certain i didn't do it for blog fodder.

look, shiny...

i fucking hate the new blogger have i told you this?

2007-03-21T09:50:00.001-04:00

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): It's the perfect time to kill
off old habits that drag you down and to sever bad connections
that bring out the worst in you. Therefore, I suggest you
make an undercover search-and-destroy visit to the murkiest
parts of the underworld. When you get back, invite skeletons
to come out of the closet and monsters to crawl out from
beneath the bed for a nice long heart-to-heart talk full
of tough love. And in general, don't you dare avert your gaze
from any song and dance that might half-scare you and
half-inspire you into triumphing over evil. P.S. In every
decay there'll be beauty; in every loss there'll be a glimmer
of future joy.

the kennedys have so much money..

2007-03-14T14:35:00.000-04:00

that they can buy the FDA into creating a new side effect.

i mean come ON people...

2007-03-12T10:48:00.000-04:00

Hamas says still seeks Israel's destruction

oh thank god, cuz i was worried...

uhm. hi innerweb.

2007-03-10T21:24:00.000-05:00

i can't really remember the last time i was so sick. like sleep for days sick. i should've been darn grateful for all those days i wasn't sick. but, alas. when i'm not in pain i forget to think "thank god i'm not in pain."

a quote from a dear friend comes to mind. "if you've nothing else to be grateful for, be grateful you're not on fire."

can someone remind me of that tomorrow? tomorrow i'm having one of those famous kitchen table talks. human, anyone?

p.s. the only good thing about myspace is the "delete from friends" button at the end of each bulletin.

apple will always be successful because they understand...

2007-02-22T08:21:00.000-05:00

wow

2007-02-16T10:23:00.000-05:00

North Korea's official media has said flowers come into bloom when he appears and rainbows fill the sky on his birthday.

He is, it is said, a man who pilots jet fighters -- even though he travels by land for his infrequent trips abroad.

He has also penned operas, produced movies and accomplished a feat unmatched in the annals of professional golf, shooting 11 holes-in-one during the first round he ever played.

"Your birth as a bright star over Mount Paektu was the greatest event as it promised the happiness and prosperity of the Korean nation," official media said.

it was a SURPRISE sorry i couldn't tell you

2007-02-12T21:53:00.000-05:00

or else he'd find out

ya murl's costume was the best as usual

she rocks the fucking house

it was a "dress as you inner child" 8th birthday theme

there were punch balls and super bounce balls and fireballs

in the gift bags and pixie sticks and bubble yum

and for dinner we had sloppy joes, ants on a log

capri suns and orange and grape shasta

and there was a carvel ice cream cake

the one named cookie puss which is kinda dirty

i'd explain it to you a lot more

but it's late and i had a presentation in my management science class tonight that kicked my ass the rest of the weekend

and also studio sixty is on...

today is matt's birthday

2007-02-10T11:33:00.000-05:00

he's 38!

please wish him the best!

move your sweet onions to the belt

2007-02-08T18:40:00.000-05:00

anyone wanna teach me about waiting line modeling?

(why am i sad about anna nicole?)

awesome

2007-02-05T11:24:00.000-05:00

Stop hoping for things to change. It is unlikely the status quo will change. As has been the lifelong truth for those who grew up as latchkey kids, Gen X-ers must continue to figure out what to do to take care of themselves. In short, if you are just waiting in the shadow of the Baby Boomers, push aside the apathy for which Gen X is known and use the coping skills you grew up with to effect positive change.

hA!

2007-01-31T22:04:00.000-05:00

oh and by the way fuck the new version of blogger

2007-01-30T21:10:00.000-05:00

i hate change. and i hate the way they make me feel like a loser every time they ask me "change to the NEW blogger?" or "sign in to the old blogger?"

i'm old school, bitches! even if is it harder and less intuitive. heh

that reminds me of a rant of an old friend of mine. he used to get all pissed about how streamlined bicycles had become. his point was that if the purpose of a bike was to get exercise, then the shittier the bike, the more exercise. so why were the "top riders" all about the sleek, light bikes? wouldn't it follow that the best bikers would be able to ride heavy pieces of shit up huge hills?

anywho.

so i freaked out on my first night of class again this semester. it's crazy how fast i can go from full of vim and vigor to quit. so i dropped one class and am just taking the one this semester. i figure new relationship, still fairly new in recovery, new job... maybe this is the semester to take only one class.

my boss says "darn you'll just have to stay longer."

see when i interviewed he asked me how long i could stay (did i tell you this?) and i was very proud and happy and still sorta scared to say "three years" and mean it. (because my job is paying for grad school and it's going to take me about 3 years to get through the program given their yearly cap on tuition remission) i mean shit i've never done anything for three years straight much less promised that i would stay at a job that long. not even lying my ass off did i dare to dream i'd do something for three years. then come to find out that it was his only concern in hiring me. that i would only stay for three years. ONLY? jeez louize if he only knew what a fucking commitment that was.

but alas he hired me and is happy to hear now that i am taking it extra slow this semester. funny.

oh ya soon i'll tell you about the day i gave the bird to one of my other bosses. and just how much he didn't appreciate it. said sarcastically about me "we sure do hire class around here don't we?"

me and my fucking sense of humor. whoops.

oh ya p.s. you guys make me laugh out loud. especially you, shawna, miss "both my kids got straight a's"!!! (congrats!)

man has it really been that long

2007-01-29T21:10:00.000-05:00

i hate when people make excuses for not blogging
kinda like i used to hate when people talked about quitting smoking.
until i quit smoking.
so here i am not blogging

i have this job now that's a job. my days fly by like the day that riki rachtman showed up with full sleeves tattooed on mtv.
i mean one day he was just a long hair
then they gave him headbangers ball
he smelled success so the next fucking day he had full sleeves.
ok it might not've happened exactly like that but you feel me.

so ya i'm not making much more money than before but i feel important and that's half the battle right?
i'm assistant to the head of operations at a huge university.
the head of operations is like the main dude. the main blue collar dude anyway. only he's not blue collar anymore 'cuz he's the dude.

and the dude is a nice guy. very low maintenance and trusting. he hires great people and then lets them do their job. dude is cool.

(holy crap matt just came out of the shower claiming that he's getting old and needs an ear hair trimmer, then he turns toward me and he has this huge clump of hair coming out of his ear -- it's my hair that falls out during conditioning!!! GROSS! i put in on the wall in the shower to hold it until i'm done showering only sometimes i forget and it stays ther for a day or five. is that gross? which part?)

so ya new boss rocks new job is fun right now. stressful sometimes but fun!

oh ya and i've finally come to believe that PMS is real. i fucking hate myself for saying that i really do but i swear i'm a fucking monster when will this stop?

ok that might be it for now. i love and miss you all i really do.

conscious fucking conscience

2007-01-18T10:19:00.000-05:00

ya i'm new job girl very busy no blog time at work... i used to be able to pull it off without guilt at the old place very little work but here not so much very busy bee.

had a bad day yesterday did something dumb i could tell you about it later...

i'm dropping digits over at FTTW today. (mom do yourself a favor and don't read that one)

also wow a lot going on at home internet is coming on sunday then i can blog from home and tell you all about how my new boyfriend is moving in yes i know it screams too soon but you can't wait to hear about it.

so here's the glockenspiel...

2007-01-05T10:00:00.000-05:00

ok let's see if i can do this any justice at all...

about a year and a half ago maybe more
i saw a boy who looked very familiar. like i know you from somewhere familiar. he felt the same and said as much. we've both been around baltimore forever and it makes sense that we would've seen each other somewhere before but this was a different kind of familiar can't describe it but when i look at his hands i recognize them.

anywho i thought hey that boy is cute but i was wrapped in my own self imposed crisis so we became friends. he's a very social boy and has lots of friends and a lot of those friends are female and so it was just very easy to become friends.

one day he saved me from myself. we hung out at a festival most of the day. he liked my dogs. he likes all dogs. and let me just say here that ALL DOGS like him. and i don't know about you that is a VERY GOOD SIGN but i am giving away too much here.

so we stay friends he watches me go through the hell that was my breakup and the growth following. we stay friends. he helps me with my dogs, walks them when i have class at nights. he does the days that murl can't. so i have him over for dinner a couple of times to thank him. he's a single guy i can't imagine that he eats well at home.

the months continue we find our similar backgrounds and taste in music and we are friends like laugh annoying loudly friends and just not care. like that friend that you can be ALL OF YOURSELF in front of and they don't care love you anyway let go free falling fun. like my friend MURL. like well like a friend. can i explain this too much?

we drive to philly as a foursome friends all of us to the mutter museaum and to see american hardcore because of course it can't be playing anywhere close.

during this time he asks about my dogs having puppies because he thinks maybe he'd like a little dog this time around... then a mutual friend says "hey does anyone want a dog? i have to give it away we just had a kid and it's all too much" he says "what kind of a dog is it" dude says " a miniature dachshund" he says "i'll take it."

the next day i get a text "i've got someone i want you to meet."

she's a beautiful little mini-dox named elsie and my boy dog is in love with her.

so i'm over his house seeing elsie he is playing music i know everysong and love it some shit i haven't heard in a long time...

and he goes in to his kitchen to get something.

and i watch him go.

i am staring at his ass...

the dude on the right with the cheesiest grin

2007-01-04T14:37:00.000-05:00

is my friend gerry.

a week ago i sat next to him at a meeting.
he said that he liked my necklace.

i said "thanks, my daddy gave it to me."

he said "oh ya? i gave that to you? nice."

(yes i left my self wide open for that one)

two nights ago gerry OD'ed

almost forgot to tell you..

2007-01-04T13:46:00.000-05:00

don't forget i'm over there today!!!

other than that i'm stuffing envelopes grateful to be able to do so but busy busy bee am i... start new job for more money on monday!!

still so sickeningly in love you should hate me for it...

is it boring when i'm happy?

2007-01-03T13:41:00.000-05:00

i started this blog on a tear.

i hated living in los angeles. hated hated hated it. now is not the time to discuss why. the place is, uh... ah fuck it's just not for me is all...

so i was full of rage and it was an election year and i was surrounded by liberals. jeez and when i say liberals it has this bad connotation. because i used to be a dyed in the wool feminist liberal. never a hippy but a punk rock white dude is the man kinda liberal. until. well, until i realized that my dad IS the man. so i grew up and found out that doing the thing that looks nice and helpful isn't always the right thing. and then i started to think politically. and i found that i'm pretty conservative when it comes to politics. then i learned to keep my mouth shut about politics in bloggerland because, well... hmm. i guess because i like all of you and the overwhelming lot of you seem to be liberal.

i don't know. i love my country. i tear up at the national anthem and when i'm at the ravens games i sing along to "proud to be an american." even though it's a retched melody. i am so proud to be an american. george bush is my president. shit, when he was elected (the first time) i didn't think i'd agree with him half as much as i did in those first four years. since then i have not agreed with everything he's done, and sometimes i downright disagree. but calling him a murderer when we are at war is and will always be trashy. i dunno. he's the president. he puts a suit on everytime he goes into the oval office. everytime. a suit. so much different than getting a blow job in there.

jeez louise how did i get here? i meant this to be a post about how happy i am. how amazingly happy i am and excited for the new year.

i was going to warn you that this blog might get boring because i've become content. and content? well content doesn't sell newspapers.

i'm starting a new job soon. hopefully monday. i'll tell you all about it when i start. that could be some fun fodder.

also i begin work on my sixth step soon. that could be a doozy. i hear that some relationships don't survive the six step. that could be interesting.

so the drama of the day? uh. i need to go grocery shopping?

with a QUICKNESS SORry i didn't mean to yell the caps lock went on when i tried to type q...

2007-01-02T09:35:00.000-05:00

ok so here's a catch up recap brought to you by MOI (that time i meant it)

(that's a foto frum down undah thanks, yorrik)

job: my position has been extended for two weeks because my boss found a "project" that needs my "attention" don't be dirty it is just a database update, that he found needed to be done before i left conveniently enough the two weeks will keep me on while another department does the final paperwork in order to be able to offer me a job...

(that's sid sars he's a legend)

see what happened there? i was going to be laid off for a week and then re-hired in a new department meaning i would lose my benefits for a week and then have to be re=entered into the system blah blah red tape hell... but my boss urgently NEEDS this database update that will require my attention for two weeks or until i find other employment hint hint wink wink HOW FUCKING NICE IS THAT?!??!??!! people take care of me even when i don't ask them to...

(that shot is auntie abby's she rocks)

blog: i have taken all my pics and programs off this computer because as of friday i was no longer going to be working here so i will steal other people's pictures while i'm in computer limbo.

i'm also thinking of buying a wireless pc card so that i can reach the wireless router in my second home next door that i don't happen to own is this making any sense to you??? it did to the guy at best buy who told me he couldn't help me steal wireless but could tell me how far certain cards could pick up a signal from. lacking sentence structure rocks the grad school degree. point being: i could maybe blog from home soon woot! (ha! i said woot)

(those are the wades they rock go figure out how to listen to/watch them)

new year: happy new year ravens won i love my family and their kids and dogs and my new boyfriend rocks the fucking bells i love him mucho CLUTCH was fucking awesome even though the security guard took away my florida ID thinking that it was fake AHAHA who would make a fake id saying you were 34 bwahahaha. he was like "you can go in but you can't drink" bwahahahah OH NO I CAN"T DRINK??? THE BALTIMORE CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT THANKS YOU. heh. also someone should remind me that i'm 34 the next time i spend 3/4 of the show in the pit and get a scraped knee and black eye, mmkay?

love you all talk soon buh bye.

if anybody has an extra two grand laying around

2006-12-28T09:39:00.000-05:00

i'd like this stella mccartney dress for new year's..

just saying...

k hi 3 days and counting...

2006-12-27T13:02:00.000-05:00

ya so maybe i won't blog much anymore.
dunno.
i work today tomorrow and then half day friday
but they are taking me out to breakfast on friday
so really i won't be here much.

and i don't have the innerwebs at home. yet.
and then there's also that little thing about me not HAVING A JOB anymore. ya, that's kinda creeping me out. not as much as you'd think though.
if the guy i interviewed with emails to say he's hired someone else... uh.. then i can imagine that i'll do a little freak out. yeah.
but until then? it's blog until you puke.

just kidding i have to erase all the incriminating stuff off this computer and clean my office and i should probably be applying to other jobs too just in case the basket with all my eggs in it gets dropped. heh.

i was going to tell you a story about the korean guy that i rented an apartment from in los angeles. koreatown to be exact. south k town. pico and normandie. not exactly high class but for $450 a month for a one bedroom you really couldn't beat it.

dude didn't even ask for a security deposit. and as we were living in a van and eating out of church food boxes... we fucking jumped on it. (actually i called my mom and dad and had them wire the $450 for the first month.) then we moved in!

it was after we handed over the $450 and started to "unpack" the van that we realized there was no refrigerator. and no stove. or oven.

ya we weren't really thinking clearly. but $450? fuck!

that wasn't the story i was going to tell you. i'll save the mr lee story for another day...

my 3 year old nephew wants to tell you a joke...

2006-12-25T14:31:00.000-05:00

knock knock
(who's there?)
banana
(banana who?)
banana orange, aren't you glad i said knock knock?

if you can't say anything nice...

2006-12-24T21:35:00.000-05:00

not to rub it in, but...

2006-12-24T09:36:00.000-05:00