kali pornia

i want to be more like the ocean. no talking and all action.

Friday, September 01, 2006

i used to have a myspace (or why i will never be a dyke)

when people find out i'm online a lot they always say:

"oh do you have a myspace?"

and ya well i got one because everyone else had them and in order to comment you have to have one and there's the whole band thing whatever ya fuck it i'll get a stoopid myspace but i'm not personalizing it and i hate hearing one half of a conversation in the comments and having to go search for the other half on the other person's myspace page yada yada blah blah but yeah, i've got a mypsace. thanks for the fucking add.

but i fucking blew the shit up the other day. for a couple of reasons.

1. i hate myspace. stupid and limiting and hard to make pretty and no matter what those easy template changers say it always ends up looking like your aunt's house with the clutter you know the one with the "touch lamps" and the country hearts and bears?

2. i have a FUCKING BLOG people! who needs a fucking myspace page when i have a blog. also i have buzznet. so there are pictures there.

3. dykes are full of drama. -- this is the straw that broke the camel toe.

the other day you may remember i had a fucking emo post about friends and drama. well here's the story....

i have lesbian friends. i know i know conservatives aren't supposed to have carpet munchers for friends, pitt, but i do. lots of them. in fact it makes some question my sexual orientation. the only plausible suggestion i've heard thus far is that i'm trying to fuck myself straight.

i mean most of my dyke friends say that i would be a total dyke if i didn't like cock so much. the motorcycle, the tattoos the boots and on ad infinitum...

ah shit i digress here's the story about myspace. i was friends with dyke A. very good friends. and when i came back to town she had shacked up with dyke D.


they're in love they're "married" they fight like all couples they live out in east bumfuck so visiting is a chore and turns into a 3 day affair usually. i love these dykes but they're fucking needy ass dykes -- a fact to which everyone will attest. they also tend to have a world of D.R.A.M.A around them at all times. who fucking knows why and i didn't care i loved them and saw them when i could.

i move back to california for a year and i don't call them. i'm a bad friend. blah blah blah i come back home. a year passes and i hear that the dykes have parted ways. dyke A (my original friend) claims to have gotten the shit end of the stick. dyke D has filed a restraining order. big fight, rocks through store windows gas tanks sugared who knows who to believe drama drama drama.

dyke A and i will always be friends. i call dyke D to find out about a FUCKING PUPPY i gave the two of them. (dammit i loved that puppy that's afuckingwholenother story) and we chat. she says maybe we can hang out i say i'd like that.

THIS IS THE POINT OF THIS RAMBLE: dyke D finds me through dyke A's myspace and posts a little "hi can't wait to hang out" in my comments. dyke A sees this and freaks. says dyke D is trying to take all her friends and sway them against her where's my loyalty yada yada blah blah. so she leaves a comment saying "i see dyke D left a message and you're going to hang.. be careful she has bad motives." or something very like that.

so these two dykes are restarting their breakup fight in my MYSPACE COMMENTS!!!


so i blew it the fuck up. and i told both of them that i wasn't go to hang out with either of them because i prefer my life drama free. the end.