i think i'm on the other side

at least i'm less hopeless this morning.

i had no idea i would be rocked like that. i guess thinking you might die does that to a person. trauma. traumatic. those words shouldn't be used lightly. i wonder sometimes if i'm being dramatic. draumatic. heh. but the truth is that i feel what i feel. i have never felt so alone. and you should know by now, blog, that i feel alone, a lot.

i want to be mad to blame someone and i s'pose i could but i don't think that's how i wanna get where i'm going. yes flashes of anger. coming out sideways. why doesn't he fall into me? i want to fall into him. shit i already have. but it's always been easy for me. sometimes it seems fake because of that. but it's not. i don't do anything halfway. head first in to battle. love is a battlefield. ms. pat benatar. hot.

ok i think i'm done. i think i'm dumb.