humbled county

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The desert-dwelling creosote bush can survive for centuries on little water. In the Mohave Desert there is a ring of creosote, named "King Clone," whose age has been carbon-dated at 11,700 years. The hardiness of this low-maintenance wonder reminds me of you, Virgo. You sometimes entertain the fantasy that the less you need, the stronger you'll be. The downside of this attitude is that you may unwittingly make it hard for people to give you their gifts. The upside is that you've learned many secrets about how to nurture and take care of yourself. But in 2008, I foresee you making a shift away from the creosote bush metaphor. You're more likely to resemble a tomato bush that gets watered regularly.

so. uhm. i'm in this place. where i've acted badly (badly? weird word, "bad." maybe not so accurate. how about poorly.. ya i guess that's better.) but don't want to be held accountable for it. like rather than own up to my embarrasing temper tantrum i'd just rather run.

and running has always brought me such great gifts. gifts like starting over, poverty, drug use, loss of jobs, homelessness, degradation, pitiful and incomprehensible demorilization. /sarcasm.

so i get to sit for a minute. say, "MAN i fucked up." realize that man i'm gonna fuck up again. just because i don't look like i'm in recovery doesn't mean i'm not. i am being FORCE FED humility by my own hand. hello eighth step. thought i might get away without experiencing pain.