frankenpussy and a sore ass

"whadja get for christmas?" - auntie me

"a snowboard" -- 12 year old nephew

"cool... we should go snowboarding"

"have you ever been?"

"nah, but it can't be that hard..."

"okay, we'll go when you get here."

"awesome"



i pay a price to be the cool aunt.

sometimes it's a tongue lashing from my sister for taking her eight-year-old to the tattoo parlor with me to get a tattoo. (me, silly, not him...)

and sometimes it's the sorest butt this side of the canadian border.

did i really say "it can't be that hard..."???

i lied.

and the ground is harder.

it took me two hours to go on two runs... probably because i was too cool for the bunny slopes (or a fucking lesson....)

my ass hurt so badly yesterday i could barely sit down.

after the second run we went into the chalet to eat a thing called poutine (said poo-teen.)

it's fries and cheese curds with gravy and it's awesome.

but not even that could make me want to go back up on that mountain. the last fall i took i almost cried.

i hit the deck so many times and i just could not conceive of my body taking any more of that.

so for the 31st time that day... i quit. and this time i meant it.

so today my whole body hurts. just like they say... i got hurts in places i didn't even know had places...

but in the same way that my dad can't stop giggling when he says the word "poutine"... i can't control the urge to do it again.

i can't believe it, but i want to go snowboarding again... i'm fucking crazy... it hurts so badly. i just want to master it. i can't help it.

now my dad won't stop saying poutine like "pootang"... as in: "shut up and eat your pootang heather..."

yes, he's very funny.

i'm blessed to get to see them all this holiday season.

even though it's fucking -8 here. my sister is fucking crazy.