ho ho ho

on christmas night i hid in my ex's bedroom waiting for his roommate to go to sleep.

so that i could give him a blowjob.

hey, it's really not as glamorous as it sounds.

see now i'm the "ex."

and he lives with a girl. a girl that's really into him from what it sounded like when i heard her being all cute with him on his cellular phone. (while i was giving him said blowjob.)

is that bad?

so yeah i had to sneak into his house while his roommate was out trying to score pot. his roommate is apparently a friend of his new girlfriend's.

is this confusing?

i had to stay quiet as a mouse.

so i hid in his room until the roommate was distracted enough so that the boss could slip out and into the bedroom with me to get a blowjob.

it would have been more than a BJ. really it would've... but i've got the frankenpussy to deal with.

hey at least i got to see my dog. he's awesome... i'm sure his new mommy thinks so too.

so why was i doing this? stealing minutes with an ex while his current was visiting her fam? who fucking knows. i'm pathetic i guess.

i'm just a sucker 'cuz he says i give the best blow jobs ever.

why am i still in love? why does he have my van, my motorcycle, another motorcycle that i'm paying off on a credit card, my dog and my heart?

i wonder this a lot. but seeing him made me realize why i feel like i owe him.

cuz i fucking stole everything i have from him. my opinions, my jokes, my mannerisms, my style, my music, fuck i even stole "kalipornia" from him. yup, it was his.

i stole it all and claim it as my own every day. so, naturally i feel like i owe him. christ i do owe him. he made me into the woman i am today.

he made me take a motorcycle driving class 5 years ago. now a motorcycle is all i have. when i wanted to learn how to stop on hills without dropping the fucking thing, he took me to san francisco. that'll teach ya. he made me figure shit out myself.

and now he lives with someone else. another girl. (who, by the way, is very nice.) he's been living with her for years.

i should probably get over him soon.

or i could just keep hiding in his bedroom like a teenager... waiting to give him a blowjob.

fuck.