kali pornia

i want to be more like the ocean. no talking and all action.

Friday, June 23, 2006

10 things boys need to know about having SEXXX

inspired by a chat with michele of FTTW
(not that kind of chat -- unless it works for you -- then go with it)

also inspired by horrible sex with hot young men everywhere.

1. learn to love the pussy. stare at it, learn it, love it. if you love the pussy she will love you long time.

2. spit is key. lots and lots of spit. astroglide tastes like shit and so does all the other lube on the market. lube is for ONE thing and one thing only (and we'll get into that when i make the girls' list.)

3. hesitancy is NOT sexy. just go with the flow. don't look like you're having second thoughts or she will.

4. shave. it makes the deck look bigger if you trim the bushes. plus a chick pulling pubic hair from her mouth is just not sexy. don't make us do that.

5. go lightly on the clit until you know how she likes it. just cuz you see those porno bitches slapping their shit doesn't mean that every girl likes it that way - only some of us do.

6. LISTEN!!! she'll tell you where her g-spot is, but it may not be in words... and if all else fails -- don't be afraid to ask for directions.

7. messy is good. don't be afraid to drip sweat in her cleavage... it's sex! they don't call it "dirty" for nothin'.

8. slow and sexy wins the race -- no just jamming in it there. she will cum faster, the slower you go.

9. suck the boobies. tweak the nipples. once i came solely from boobie play. that was hot.


10. (i hate that i need to say this) SHE GOES FIRST!! it will be much easier if you get her off first. do it with your hands or mouth. then go get some.

this weekend i'll do a girls' list... boys feel free to email me your suggestions. kalipornia@hotmail.com

***UPDATE*** turtle over at fttw did the girl's list, and much more appropriately, seeing as he's a boy and all... CHECK IT OUT