kali pornia

i want to be more like the ocean. no talking and all action.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


so ya, i'm alive.

fucking thing.
after the gas was siphoned we put new gas in and FUCKING NOTHING!

and it was 6:45 already and maria was coming at 7:10 to pick me up so i rush upstairs to take a shower to wash the gasoline smell off. unfortunately they don't make a brush that goes down your throat to scrub the gas off your pipes.

so 710 i say goodbye to sam after walking the dogs and maria picks me up and we head off to our meeting. the whole way there i'm burping gas and telling maria what happened and she's opening windows and doing the who farted wave. mind you there is no gas on my person, i've scrubbed and changed clothes and am just breathing gas at this point.

seriously, i'm a freaking gas pump. we get to the meeting a few minutes late so i squeeze in next to my friend dave and he automatically smells it. at this point i'm feeling faint, almost high. everytime i burp it's pure ethanol. fucking hot, right?

i get through the meeting without puking. no small feat, mind you. we hang out for a bit, everyone jokes about me having to change my clean date, ah ha ha, very funny i'm gonna puke all over you.

and then we're off to the party. first stop, though, i wanna get flowers for the host, seth. i like when girls give guys flowers. so we purchase a potted mum and head on our way.

i still feel high-ish and now i'm nervous because there will be people there that i don't know and i reek of gasoline and what do i do when i get nervous now that i'm not using????

that's right -- I ACT!!!

i'm on stage everybody look at the loud crazy girl!! crimony will this old behavior ever go away?

so i roll into the party into the backyard (it's a bonfire party - THE BEST KIND) and i'm all loud and obnoxious. i set the mum down he says thanks and i give some self deprocating crap about the cashier saying that she hopes the frost don't get 'em.

"i was like thanks, anti-salesman" huh huh... oh god i'm doing it i can feel it i won't shut up now i'm nervous there are people i don't know here.

"i swallowed like a fucking cup of gasoline today!" (up from a half a cup the last time i told the story which was up from the actual ounce or less that i'm sure to have ingested)

oohs ahhs from the crowd how'd you do that, what'd you do that for, yada yada.

i freaking hijack the party with tales of the day and by the time i'm done everyone knows i'm an obnoxious asshole with self esteem issues. so there.

in the quick moment of silence during which i'm taking a breath one guy speaks up, "hey did you call a motorcycle shop about a socket wrench today?"....