gas huffer

so we cleaned and replaced the plugs and...

nothing. a little sputter then nothing. lots and lots of starter fluid was sprayed and not. one. thing. ok i lie, there was some turning over of carbs it was very close brum brum. then nothing.

so. let's change the fuel.

after discovering that the boy offed with my gas can, (to be honest he DID buy it) sam takes me to the auto parts store again. (a different one because he thinks it's closer, which, really it might be.) as i'm standing in line with the gas can my friend brad calls. i hit "ignore." i'm worried that he's interested in more than friendship too. (is anyone else sensing a pattern?)

shit. wait. what'd i do that for? he has two motorcycles and manages a car garage. so i call him back.

"dude. this bike. i tried a new battery, nada. cleaned the plugs, nothing."

"so, it's the fuel."

"on it right now, boss. if that doesn't work i'm calling it a fucking day and i might need your help tomorrow."

"sounds good, let me know."

as we're on the way back to the bike, my friend maria (A GIRL!) calls. she's the one i'm going to the party with tonight. we decide she'll pick me up at 7:10 for a 7:30 meeting then off to the partay.

ok. now. let me tell you this one thing about my bike that you're just going to have to accept. there is no petcock. there is no OTHER WAY to drain the gas from the tank other than syphoning. accept this please. apparently no one else can.

so i cut my garden hose. heh. ya whatever, it was split anyway and a huge pain in the ass. so i fucking cut a piece of it to use as tube.

we ready the emptied laudry detergent bottles, stick one end of the hose in the tank and in my very matter-of-fact manner i begin to suck on the end of the hose.

no matter that i've never syphoned gas in my life. no matter that the hose isn't clear so i can't see when the gas is coming down the pike so to speak. no matter that i don't feel anything coming so i suck so hard that my cheeks become pits.

rush of gasoline (highest octaine, by the way) enters my mouth and before i know it, down my throat. i close off my throat as soon as i can (way too late) and spit out the full mouth of gasoline and choke on the rest that went down my pipes.

sputter sputter choke gasp retch sputter sputter retch.

i must've said "i'm gonna puke" 24 times.