kali pornia

i want to be more like the ocean. no talking and all action.

Friday, June 15, 2007

if you know me

or have been hanging out here for any length of time, then you'll know about my tendency to jump in to relationships. and i don't mean like start fucking someone and then immediately make them the only person that i'm dating because even THAT is an improvement...

i'm talking about moving them in with me on the third date. which i do. i have done many times.

fuck at least i learned to move THEM in with ME. the best lesson i had learned thus far is that i keep the FUCKING HOUSE, ya know? that was a pretty big one to learn.

and lately i've been understanding exactly why i developed that black widow-esque survival skill. it's because dating FUCKING SUCKS.

i am too insecure for this shit. i just don't fucking believe that anyone really likes me unless they move in and start sharing the bills.

(at which point they become like a roommate and get on my nerves because they're messy or lazy or blonde or just uh.. present. but that's a whole 'nother post)

so ya this dude could send flowers, do a jig, write a fucking song about how much he likes me and it still WOULDN'T BE ENOUGH. i shit you not. i literally go from zero to oh-shit-protect-yourself-he's-leaving in point two seconds.

and WTF? who knew i was a jealous person??? what is up with character defects coming out of the woodwork. self centered fear is a fucking bitch dude. where did it come from? i swear to you that my parents held me plenty as a child. they told me i was smart and could do anything that i wanted to.

so uh. why in the world am i so insecure?