kali pornia

i want to be more like the ocean. no talking and all action.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

ok where were we..

oh ya... we're answering my sisters questions.

this one's about my behavior at the restaurant. before i head back in and finish this one off, i feel the need to defend myself. i am not a horrible person. i am not mean to everyone i meet. those of you who have had any interaction with me, know this. there were just a couple of places in my life (albeit big ones: work, relationship) that i was behaving badly.

ok, on with the show:

when we last left kali, she was growing a conscience.

the first little nagging feeling happened when i wasn't at work at all. my manager called me at home to tell me that one of our employees had quit. he told me that she quit because her husband asked her to. she had cheated with a co-worker, gotten a conscience, told him and he had asked her to quit. they already had one child and another on the way. (no, neil, it's not the bee girl)

so my manager says call her and find out who she hooked up with, she won't tell them and they can't figure it out. see? this is what i'm known for. so i call her. (my boyfriend is watching this go on the entire time and is, understandably, sickened.)

as i'm on the phone with her pretending (though not really, cuz she's a nice girl and i kinda do care, but i've got this reputation, see...) to be concerned. so i'm trying to fish the details out of her and BOOM i get this weird feeling in my gut. that i shouldn't be doing this. that i'm playing with someone's life. that it is just wrong. so i wish her well and hang up.

i call the manager back and tell him that she gave me nothing. that was the first time i had felt my new conscience.

ever since i started trying to live my life honestly, this waitress/bar gig has been a source of discontent. i used to explain to people how poorly i behaved there. and try to figure out why i couldn't just stop being such a dick.. but i couldn't.

i was such a cunt. so reactive and selfish and snotty. the people at the job just expected it of me.

so a few weeks ago i'm having another snit fit about checking out or some nonsense and i say (like i've said a thousand times before) "this place drives me fucking nuts. i'm going to walk the fuck out of here."

and the NEW manager says, "there's the door."

and so i hand him my book with my checkout and all of my money and walk out the door.

and i'm given my first chance to start behaving better in an area of my life in which i've had trouble.

given, that was my night job and now that i've started school i only have time for my day job in which i've created healthy habits. well, except that i've occasionally stolen postage from the postage meter. though, now i've even stopped doing that because now i have a conscience. what a pain in the ass.

as for the cheating on my boyfriend questions, you're going to have to comeback tomorrow for the juice on that....