fahken ell

hi.

good weekend all in all.
i miss my true love.
i might just miss love.
and seeing as i know who i really love,
well then i miss him too.
whatever queen of vague.

anywho. i told that guy i wasn't interested.
he was ok with it.
did end up telling me "his truth" though.
that he has plenty of choices but thinks of me.
what it would be like to hold my hand
kiss my cheek.

he made me glad that i told him. and then
reminded me of whose hand i'd love to hold
and whose cheek i'd like to kiss.

i get all confused.
sometimes i think i love the guy i'm fucking.
then i think maybe i just want to love someone so much
that i'm twisting my emotions.
so it'd be really smart if i stopped fucking him.
heh. like THAT's gonna happen.

i do love him. you know like i love you.
just not like i love HIM.

aw shit i better stop.
seriously.
why i have to go and fuck my mind up with all of this shit
when i should be finding a job
is beyond me.

i have an interview today. i don't want to work there
but apparently people without jobs don't turn down interviews.
my boss told me today that the institution for which i am
currently working
(last day is dec 29th btw)
does NOT like to pay unemployment.
which made me think...

"hmmmm. unemployment..."

(no neither of the two guys in that "picture" is the one that i'm fucking. just so we're clear)