kali pornia

i want to be more like the ocean. no talking and all action.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

must. update. before. thanksgiving.

ok. so here we are then.

here's some fun stuff first!
an actual transcription of a text message
conversation between my sister and myself.

(you should know that this woman
had been asking me about my job search
with the tenacity of a pit bull.
seriously a fucking pit bull.
she's fucking full on all the time
perhaps you will understand the neccessity
for shock value here)

sister: What Did The Butt Dr Say?
me: I tore my anus with a hard movement!
sister: That Is Just Pleasant So What Do you Do
me: Massage the inside of my anus with a soapy finger once a day!

believe it or not that DID shut her up for a click.

then i made the mistake of complaining to my mom about the sister grilling i took about the job search.
not daunted by much and opening with "since i can't ask you about your job search..."
my sister showed up on messenger yesterday to grill me about my date.
not exactly the desired effect, thanks mom.

this is a general idea of how the interchange went since MSN doesn't automatically save chats. understand this could be skewed from my perspective to make me look innocent and her look like the PIT BULL THAT SHE IS!!! heh. but i believe it to be an almost accurate reproduction.

sister: So... Tell me about the date
me: oh. ya that. it was nice. a ravens game then dinner.

sister: Oh yes I heard you went to the game
me: yes his name is r------ and he is very nice

sister: Where did you meet him?
me: where else?

sister: Oh right. What does he do for a living?
me: he's third in command at a successful contracting company

sister: Oh he has a JOB!
me: yes he has a job.

sister: Very good how old is he?
me: it was very first date but very nice and i would like there to be a second date

sister: How old?
me: i am planning on taking it very slowly

sister: HOW OLD???
me: 46

sister: I thought so
me: why?

sister: Because R------ is a name from another generation. People don't name their children R------ anymore. I knew he'd have to be older. Did you sleep with him?
me: no just a brief, end of date first kiss.

sister: Are you lying?
me: no not lying just a kiss it was nice we are taking it slow.

sister: Well, maybe you HAVE learned something after all.
me: yes i hope so

sister: Will there be a second date?
me: i hope so

sister: Did he call yet?
me: yes he did

sister: When?
me: the day after

sister: When are you going out again?
me: he asked me out for friday

sister: Great where are you going?
me: i had to say no i'll be at mom and dad's

sister: Oh darn, well, he'll call again hopefully.

uhm. ya. is there anything that she missed?