mefuckinglasma

sisters! listen up!
within 5 minutes of me posting
about my perma-stache horror,
my former roommate and miss world contestant
hit me up on googletalk
to tell me what was the dealie-yo.

k*: so i was reading your blog

me: help
k*: and i totally have what you have
it is called melasma
and it is hormone induced
me: NO!
k*: yes-
it is a mofo
and i HATE it
me: it's because i'm on the fucking pill, isn't it?
k*: it does look like a permanent moustache
yep
i got it from the patch
me: that fucking asshole
k*: and it DOES NOT GO AWAY
me: the ring
k*: it will go away slightly
but as soon as you go in the sun-
me: oh man. i swear i hate it
k*: it freaking comes back
me: oh no
k*: you have to get hydroquinone
me: the damn pill!
k*: prescription strength
me: i knew i hated it for a reason
k*: however, it won't go away with the pill
you have to call a dermatologist
my gyno said it won't go away on b.c.
but i got off the patch
and i STILL have it
and dare i spend 2 minutes in the sun,
i look like f'n hitler
me: me too! !! total dyke
k*: and i feel like i have to tell people it is NOT a moustache
me: it's totally not
k*: it is just like a giant brown stain
hahaha!
which almost sounds worse ;)
dude- it sucks
i think i am going to call my dermatologist today
me: right. no honey it's not a 'stache it's a brown stain
k*: i was in the sun all weekend and it is terrible

so i call my gyn's office
tell the chick that i need the doc to call me
it's an emergency -- i've got MELASMA on my UPPER LIP from THE PILL
the receptionist seems to understand the urgency
asks if she can have the doctor on call give me a call back
because my doctor won't be in until TOMORROW!

the doctor on call gives me a shout.
i unload...

me: dr *&*&$^& put me on nuvaring and i went on vacation right after and i got sun and now i have melasma on my UPPER LIP. what do i do?

her: well the melasma wasn't neccessarily caused by the nuvaring.

me: you're kidding me. you think it's just coincidence that a mustache appeared the week i started on the oral contraception?

her: could be

me: that's ridiculous. my roomate diagnosed me in 2 minutes and you're a DOCTOR and you're telling me you're NOT SURE????

her: well as a GYN i have to be concerned about contraception. what will you use for birth control?

me: BIRTH CONTROL??? what will i use as birth control??? MY FUCKING MUSTACHE WILL BE MY BIRTH CONTROL!!! NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND IS GOING TO WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME --- i have a MUSTACHE!!!

she got a pretty good laugh out of that one. then she told me not to say that. that she's been a GYN for years and i wouldn't believe who came in pregnant. it was like a bonding moment where i decided that i wouldn't kill her.

she told me to see a dermatologist.

only the dermatologist's office didn't think perma-stache was grounds for an emeregency appointment (fuckers -- i CAN NOT have this!!)
the first available appointment is september 15...

yes, i just left a message for my real GYN to call me....