BLOODY MARY

when i was in my senior year of highschool this new boy transfered in
and he was kinda cute and he played football and lacrosse and he had a crush on me.

now this was news because everyone knew by my senior year that i was

1. crazy
2. a drunk cheating slut

and so no popular boys really wanted anything to do with me. so before any of the other boys had a chance to warn him about me, this guy asked me out. oh yeah i forgot to say that he had a jeep. hott.

so one night we're fooling around on the couch while my parents were downstairs sleeping/watching tv and it gets pretty heavy and he's fingering me and i'm moaning and it's hot.

then he pulls his hand out of my pants and it's covered in blood. oops sorry mr popular football guy looks like i got my period.

horror shame embarrassment i'm not going to school on monday.

but turns out he was cool about it and didn't tell anyone and we went to homecoming together. then at homecoming i got drunk and left with someone else and THEN on monday everyone was calling me BLOODY MARY. ha! high school what fun.

*** super special addendum -- years later i run into the guy in annapolis and he's going to the navel academy and i'm wasted and he comes up to apologize for being such a dick in high school and of course i accept and sneak back to the navel academy and have sex on his roommate's bed with him and when i get up to leave at 4 in the morning while he's still sleeping (pro move) i realize that i got my period during the night and the whole bed is covered in blood.

HA! WHO'S BLOODY MARY NOW, BITCH???

what? oh, still me? ok....