dirty

"hey lady whats up"

"dude. bad day"

phone rings. he's high. i can hear it. up this time, prolly a speedball, who knows but he's definitely up. talking about how he's staying in my neighborhood now, he met my neighbors he's staying with a friend things are good he got a bunch of his movies back yada yada yada. he stops to take a breath.

"what's a matter, you don't sound good," he says.

"i went to give blood today and they wouldn't let me."

"why not?"

"um cuz i had sex with an intravenous drug user in the last 12 months."

"fuck.... shit. what does that mean, should i get tested?"

"i don't know, should you?"

"i mean, do you think you're dirty?" he says...

heh. he doesn't get it. he's so high he doesn't get it. it takes 10 minutes for me to explain to him that the reason i'm worried is because i had sex with him without a condom. i tell him i've tested clean every six months for the last three years. i tell him i'm pretty sure i'm clean.

"i've had sex with four people in the last 2 years. i used a condom with one of those people. one was my exboyfriend. one is my current boyfriend. and one is you."

"ya i was kinda wondering why we didn't use a condom."

"yes. we should've."

"well i've been using all clean this time out. and i've been pretty careful about sex lately."

this i doubted, seeing as how we didn't use a condom. he tells me we'll get tested tomorrow and that everything's going to be okay. i tell him that i'm getting tested first thing in the morning and that i'll let him know my results as soon as i get them. i know addicts. i am one. we make lots of promises that we don't fulfill.

i get up the mext morning and am tested and at work by 8:15.