kali pornia

i want to be more like the ocean. no talking and all action.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

am i supposed to be writing about the holidays?

well ok then, here's something weird...

if you know me at all you'll know that i've uh dated a lot. and i've never really shielded my family from all of that. in fact, there's a running joke in my family about there being a different guy attached to my arm in pictures of each holiday occasion or other celebration.

i mean, it's kinda true. i was with one dude for four years but we lived 2500 miles away so he didn't make it into too many pictures.

seriously though, in the last ten years it has slowed down considerably. but, even so, may family has always been so very accommodating. always letting my sig o (heh) sleep in the same room and bed with me, never saying anything about the inappropriateness (is that a word? innappropriatousity? heh) of that. i mean, my parents are pretty devout christians, but have never said anything to me about that behavior.

so. i say all of this to set up the fact that though i've only been seeing my gentleman for a few weeks, it wouldn't be unheard of for me to take him home for christmas.

i mean i really want to. i have a feeling he's going to be around for a while and i also am going to miss him for the four days that i'm gone.

so what's stopping me?

well, the sinking feeling that it would be disrepectful to my family (especially my dad for some reason) for me to sleep in the same room with him. wtf is that? i've never felt that way before?

i am getting more sensitive toward other people's feelings? is it about my feelings toward him? i mean, i have this desire to conduct myself appropriately in this relationship as in no other before. i've changed, i want my behavior to reflect that.

hmm. weird but i think i'm acting like an adult... shhh don't tell anyone.