kali pornia

i want to be more like the ocean. no talking and all action.

Monday, December 06, 2004

southie, the camera and kansas

ok, so things are getting complicated.

though i think only in my head. as is usual.

for months, nothing interesting was going on in my love life. i mean sex, sure, but feelings? no way.

and now something's going on. something weird.

southie is an old boyfriend. we decided (i thought) that we were better off just fucking. that way he doesn't get mad when he sees me talking to other boys and i don't freak out on him like a girl.

so we do the booty call thing. i rarely call him. mostly because... well... i just don't need him to think i want more. so he calls about once a week maybe.

but friday night we're together. i make the mistake of telling him that sometimes i miss him when we don't hang out. he asks me when i'm going to come to my senses and come back to him.

i didn't know he wanted more.

saturday i go to do the extra thing and sometime during the morning my favorite camera man ever calls me. from the beginning he was my favorite. smart, quick on his feet, great footage and sound every time.

in the beginning it was basically just me and him shooting most of the shit there. all the usable stuff anyway. then the company grew and we stopped working together so much. the idea was separate the best talent from the best cameraman, so that they can help shittier talent and shittier crew. they broke the best team up for two or four half-assed teams.

anywho, i was with chris the entire time. very loyal. amazingly so. but always had the thought that the camera and i would be great together as a couple. i think i even wrote him an email when he was going through a break up saying that she was an idiot and if i were single that i'd pounce.

saw him on tour with reo speedwagon and he put me on the jumbotron.

when i came back to town with no chris, he had a girl. who rode motorcycles. named heather. heh.

so he calls yesterday. apparently they broke up. i went to see him. we talked for 15 hours straight. i'm not shitting you.

last night the best roommate ever had a dinner party. kansas was there. as smart, witty and gracious as ever. and amazingly cute. great sweater. i like him. a guy like him doesn't come along often. usually.

so -- southie the lay with the fucking best body, great sex and tepid conversation, camera the best friend ever, who's now maybe more, and kansas the underexplored. wtf?

...and i may be going back east in baltimore where it gets even more complicateder...