why no boy will ever live up to my expectations

he has lots of tattoos
he's street smart as hell
he has great instincts about people
he let me go crazy sometimes
he can watch a show on the history channel and remember all of the facts
he never babied me on my motorcycle
he taught me that feminists have to take out the trash
he taught me how to be poor
he had a van
he's shaped like a "v"
he plays guitar
he makes crazy friends
he cooks amazingly well
he trained my dog
he's got great taste in music
he's opinionated as fuck
he eats pussy like a mad man
he's mechanically inclined
he's openminded
he put up with me for five years
he's the hottest boy i've ever known and
he lives with another girl