so i lost my shit at work the other day.  and today my boss said, "you lose your credibility when you do shit like that." yep.  that's exactly what i was thinking after it happened.

that always happens.  isn't my fucking medication working, dammit?  i thought i was a grown up.  is there medication you can take for that?  is this why my dad is a small business owner?  have i genetically made this the future for my children?  geez i hope not, that would suck for them.

uncontrollable emotions.  why can't i just be like other people?

everything has changed. absolutely nothing's changed

take my hand, not my picture, spill my tincture.

i am one

so it's starting to hit me that we will soon be a gang of four.

2 boys and 2 girls.

i converted to judaism, did you know that? probably not, i don't tell you anything anymore. it was a really great day. (sometimes i wish i could be more "present" and enjoy moments rather than worry if everyone else is having a good time.) the day went amazingly it was almost surreal. one of those days that takes a while to wash over me.

i dipped 3 times, bean dipped 3 times. then we got dressed and went for coffee. our hair was still wet from the mikvah. no one else knew that i had just committed to raise my family jewishly. we just sat and drank coffee while the bean and her grandmother ate yogurt with granola.

then we headed to the synagogue to have a little ceremony. that dang torah is heavier than i imagined. and i had to hold a scroll in each hand and with this belly, it was certainly a challenge. it was fun though and i remembered the shemah. and i looked into my husband's eyes and cried. so we are all jewish now. bean can marry a conservative if she chooses. danger will be born jewish. now if i could only remember to kiss the mezuzah when i come and go. :)

i have always said that those 3d sonograms creeped me out. likely (knowing me) because i thought they were expensive and that we couldn't afford one. turns out the sonogram lady could have been doing it all along. so she gave us some pictures of the danger boy all 3d'd up. of course the dad wanted a picture of his cocknballs. she obliged.

this is his face

home on the range

so here i am. a little over six years after starting the LA hating blog, and i have little or no hate left. i mean, there's the whole courtney love thing but even that is waning. which is truly fucked up.

i got married, hadababyitsagirl and now i have another one on the way.



i have stuff going on, but nothing like hate. once i fell in love with my husband it was hard to hate anymore. and now that i have fallen in love with my daughter, it's damn near impossible. shit just gets put into perspective i guess.

maybe i'm still honeymooning. i'm only 2 years into the marriage. i had to get shit done because i'm an old lady. my biggest suffering today comes from financial insecurity. i still have trouble with a budget and saving money and all that. from the looks of our national financial identity, i'm not alone.

i think about blogging a lot. but the things that drive me batty these days are so personal. i guess they were personal then too. i don't know why i'm afraid to continue. i guess i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

i started another blog, a secret blog. i mean, you can find it, but i can fix that. i wonder whether to blog there and tell all, or blog here and just tone it down. toning it down sounds horribly boring. but there's nothing to say that my life isn't boring anyway.

so yeah how'm i doing? heh. i used to write a column about my sexual escapades and now i talk about hemorrhoids and toddler poop consistency. woot.

i saw janes addiction the other night. it was our first post-baby date. i didn't take a camera even though we were 10 feet away from perry. duh.

had to sit(stand)through nine inch nails first. we got there and i saw everyone i knew. said to the girl next to me "who is this" she says "nine inch nails." duh.

i really thought i'd never see janes. so glad i did. tonsilitis and all. $80 a ticket and all. the band rocked it even though we're all old.

man i'm glad i went.