kali pornia

i want to be more like the ocean. no talking and all action.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Yolanda had been forbidden to touch the thermostat
because she was constantly turning it up
all the way to 90 degrees.

So she brought in a space heater.

She plugged in the space heater
and put it under her desk.

Yolanda got sleepy
so she lay her head down
on her desk
and didn't awake...

until she smelled her chair burning.

Friday, January 27, 2006

looks like i picked a good time to quit.

THIS is the coolest shit i've ever seen. no really i mean it.
can't... stop... watching...

Thursday, January 26, 2006

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): *The New York Times'* Deborah Solomon interviewed Peter Watson, author of *Ideas: A History of Thought and Invention, from Fire to Freud.* "What is the single worst idea in history?" she asked him. "Without question, ethical monotheism," he replied. "The idea of one true god. The idea that our life and ethical conduct on earth determines how we will go in the next world. This has been responsible for most of the wars and bigotry in history." Personally, I disagree with his curious assessment. I think history's most terrible idea is the theory that some groups of people are smarter and better and deserve more rights than others. The coming week is a good time for you to meditate on these themes, Virgo. Which ideas do you consider bad ones, both those on a global scale and those that have at one time or another infected your belief system? (P.S. It's also a perfect moment to fight those bad ideas.)

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

yolanda brought in food for the office today.

orange cream soda and raisinettes.

Friday, January 20, 2006

also this.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

more Yolanda brilliance:

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

the mats

stay standing for 2 whole sets...

(via tony)

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

one day the phone rings at the office.
Yolanda finally answers after four
or five rings.

the office is silent for a moment.

then she yells down the stairs

drew looks to the top of the stairs and
there's yolanda dangling the cordless
by its antenna.

Friday, January 13, 2006

the bf is working for the month of january until he goes back to school.
he got a gig at this semi-shady engineering/contracting firm in the city.
his first day was also the new receptionist's first day.

her name is yolanda.

she suggested to the IT guy
that he might want to get dust covers
for the computers because
"the dust gets in the modems and burns them up"

its very foggy here today

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

apache boy

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Virgo Horoscope - January 12, 2006

I've discovered a new way to stimulate my psychic powers. I simply eat large amounts of wasabi, the bracing horseradish-like paste that's traditionally served with sushi. Its astringent potency seems to crack open an inter-dimensional wormhole in my brain through which news of the future pours in. After meditating on the astrological factors coming to bear on you, I ingested the stuff to give my divinations some extra oomph. Here's what I came up with: You need the equivalent of the wasabi approach right now--some gentle shock, self-administered, that will extend the range of your normal perceptions.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

dumb dog

The Amtrak trainmaster in charge of MARC operations at Penn Station, Gene Dandy, says he would personally prefer a prohibition of alcohol on the trains. “I really wish they wouldn’t drink,” Dandy says.

Monday, January 09, 2006

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this is fucking hilarious

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set list for you freaks
ok so i can't post pictures
because it's monday and i
fucking have to do some work

and then the first thing i have
to do on buzznet
is password protect
pics of my nephew
because my sister says
there are some
wierdos kooky people out there

Friday, January 06, 2006

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the guy came to put my name on my door today
yay name
and then he measured it
and said it was 1/8th of an inch off
so he'll come back and fix it
'cuz he's a perfectionist.
then i looked around
and saw that everyone else has
a middle initial
on their doors and alluvasudden
i wanted my middle initial too
apparently i said that outloud
because the guy came back and asked for
my middle inital
he'll be back next week to fix it
'cuz that's the kind of bitch i am

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ok so i just went home for lunch because stupid me forgot my uniform for the waitress gig
and so i got to check on winnie (pregnant dog)
and i let her out to pee and then brought her back in
and put her on my bed
to take her temperature
which is low and they say when it's low she's
about to go
but it has been low for days
i even made drew return a thermometer to rite aid
without a box because i didn't think it was working
but it turns out she just has a low temperature.
so i go to put her back in her crate and i see this
gross muccus-like stuff on my bed
and then a puddle comes rushing out of her
and then i remember that the vet said to look for
vuvular discharge as a secondary indication that
she is
about to go.

my doggie's water broke and i had to come back to work.
i also have to work tonight straight from this job

so i called drew and told him
that he has to go straight home after work
and text me constantly
even if nothing is happening.

i was thinking on the way back here about
blogging this
and then i was thinking
remember when zulieka's blog
was a cool nekid girl site
and then she got pregnant
and at first it was like
awwww isn't that cute
and now it's just boring?

free sirius radio

for three days from their website.

the boss and i
like channel 27
hard attack.
hanks, boss.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

i am officially a crazy dog lady

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i'm so gd excited
that my dog will
have puppies any day now
i can't stop trying to
figure out how many
there will be
i love her so
much all i do is obsess
about the dog all damn day
help me

How evil are you?

so i'm getting all caught up on
celebrity gossip sites
just like crap reality tv
which is why i don't have cable
or a tv in my living room
i'm an addict

there are a coupla things
i need to know
who the hell is
cisco adler
yeah yeah i know he's mishca barton's
rocker boyfriend
but what does he rock?
and by the way
who the fuck is mishca barton?
she was on OC?
what the fuck is that?
isn't it cancelled?
why's she so cool?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

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Tuesday, January 03, 2006

everytime i feel the urge for a cigarette
i just say to myself
"don't be silly heather you don't smoke anymore"

damn this work
interfering with my
buzznet posting
and blogging.

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i'm back from canada.
drew and i barely made it through.
apparently i'm a bitch after working 8 hours and then a 9 hour roadtrip.
i hated him when we got there.

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