kali pornia

i want to be more like the ocean. no talking and all action.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

so i ordered a new clutch cable - $20

now just to get the bike home.
if i could find a hill
i could pop start it
and not worry about the "lurch" effect...

no lights really on my way home
not until i get close enough
to home
to be able to push it.

where are my friends with trucks?

one in LA
one in virginia

hmmmm... renting a trailer from uhaul seems like an option.

good news is i got my exercise

ratzun fratzun murdercycle

so i decide to ride the motorbike to work today
because i'm selling it soon and won't be able to do it for much longer.
and i get into the city and


the clutch cable snaps off the
mounting at the box and won't retract.

so well i call the ex to see what to do and he says

you're SOL (basically)

you can pull the cable with your fingers
start it in first gear
hang on for dear life (with your third hand) as it takes off
force it into future gears
pray that you don't have to stop and start the process all over again.

or you can pay a million dollars to get it towed.

so i pushed it the final 5 or 6 blocks to work
(have i mentioned that it's hot here)
so that i could sit in the air conditioning
and decide what to do next.

i told the boy even though i didn't want to
i knew he'd be all
"that's what you get for not selling it sooner"
no secret he hates the bike
but i still think i'm right (go figure)

it'd be worse if it happened while someone was test riding it.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

i needed a vacation

what an awesome weekend with my folks. i can't express how much i love these two. you can't imagine what i've put them through and still they think i'm a good daughter. it makes me wonder what i'd have to do to make them think otherwise. don't worry i'm not trying.

we had steamed crabs on sunday followed by hotdogs and homemade macaroni salad. topped off with canolis oh my god how yummy. sunday we went cruising. (i'll post pictures later today.) oh yeah after dad made "simple" omelets. cheese and spinach and mushrooms with sausage, homefries, proscuitto wrapped melon, and english muffins (nothin' fancy.)

and last night the best ribs ever. sent home with a care package that would make emeril jealous.

my favorite part of the weekend, though was finding this poem in my dad's stuff.

What if they gave a war and no one came?
Then the war will come to you.
He who stays home when the fight begins
And lets others fight for his cause
Should take care. He who does not take part
In the battle will share in the defeat.
Even avoiding battle does not avoid
Battle, since not to fight for your cause
Really means
Fighting on behalf of your enemy's cause.

--Bertold Brecht

it reads very differently than on a bumper sticker doesn't it?

dude also wrote alabama song (the whiskey bar song by the doors) and mack the knife (sung by everyone from bobby darin to nick cave)

Friday, May 26, 2006

whatever will we do without her?

another "celebrity" threat?
Rodriguez was videotaped walking outside of a book store on Melrose Avenue, where she told photographers she's not long for the U.S. "I'm moving to France," she says. "You know, people don't bother you there. I do what I got to do. Then I leave the country and never come back."

no values

apparently they'll let anyone in this club

australian dude sends a special message to his girl on live TV

someone teach me how to use gravatar please!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

can you tell a coder from a cannibal?

truth ain't nothing but the truth

you must know by now that
i worship ALa

no, not allah, ALa

yesterday she showed me


here are some excerpts:

"Islam is a lie. Its god is a lie and its prophet was a liar. He was not just a liar but also an extremely evil man."

"Many consider Christ to be a myth and Christianity a fairytale. ... But putting aside all the fairytales, the essence of Christianity is not bad. It teaches love and forgiveness. "

"Once you separate facts from fiction and what the Christians added to Christianity you find the essence of Christianity is love."

"What will remain of Islam once you separate facts from fiction? ... you’ll find Islam is nothing but hate, violence, and terror. The psychopath narcissist does not understand love. He understands fear. Islam is based on fear."

"Most other religions, like Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Sikhism, Zoroastrianism, Bahaism, etc. are mixed bags of good and bad. You can compare them to ore. There is lots of dirt but in the midst of that dirt, there are gems and precious metals.

There is nothing good in Islam. Islam is sheer evil that is sustained by fear. Not only the teachings of Islam are evil, Muhammad was a monster. You cannot say this about the founders of any other major religion. Muhammad was more evil than most cult leaders"

and all from an ex-muslim. you should read this...

you think you're punk?


get on over to
and list your favorite punk songs

only don't confuse blink 187 and sum 14
as punk
or you're liable to get a
tongue lashing

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

look who's #1!

click me

(cars + punk)*(michele + turtle)=cooln [where n approaches infinity]

check this out

ok i admit, sometimes coop can get too tech-geek on me. these two have managed to infuse car talk with good memories and rock and roll.

wow you know that thing where you hold a piece of paper between your lips while you do something with your hands only your lips were moist and when you go to take the paper back out it sticks to your mouth and you tear some skin off?

that hurts.

(and by you i mean me)

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

tesco love from the prince of dorkness

if you watch it until the end you'll swear he gives a shout out to tesco

oh yeah -- stolen from d a i b h tho there's a misfits vibe going around lately.

sometimes my heart hurts

so my good buddy d a i b h
is having a heartache
kind of day.

he's got a huge heart.
and contrary to popular belief so do i.
he talks about feeling things "more" than
other people.

i get it.

sometimes shit hits me so hard i've got no idea where it came from.

one time when i was in LA
i went to this thing
called metal skool
or someshit like that
a fun night where you rocked and mocked
all those 80's metal bands.
sometimes guest rockers would show up

anywho that has nothing to do with this.

so we were there one night and
there were two albinos there.
these two dudes, you know, albinos

there was one in my church growing up
sometimes he sat in the pew in front of us.
he had to hold the prayer book really close to his
face to read it
and when we sang he held the hymnal
so close that his voice bounced off the page and back towards me.
i always felt sorry for him
and then i felt sorry for feeling sorry
if you know what i mean.

so in LA at this metal skool thing
these two albinos
in leather jackets
stood really close to the stage
like leaning up against it.
they were the only two doing that
(this, of course, being LA and everyone is
WAY TOO cool to do that -- including me, obviously)
standing way up front flashing the horns
squinting their eyes trying to make out what was going on.
the singer guy was like
"look at these two bozo's"
trying to make fun
cuz it was that kind of night.

only i don't think the two albinos knew they were getting made fun of.

they just kept rocking the fuck out
banging their heads and loving it.

and all of a sudden i got really sad
my heart hurt
and i started crying.

and i made my boyfriend take me home.

yesterday's post looked something like this...

only a lot louder

Monday, May 22, 2006


one of my very good friends
is moving to NYC on thursday


she's getting rid of some shit
including a bookcase
that i agreed to take off of her hands
three weeks ago.

yeah, we'll get it tonight
turned into tomorrow
turned into next weekend
turned into saturday.

so saturday the boy tutors
little tupacs
until noon.
i have a meeting from 12:15 to 1:15
and i have to be at
the restaurant at 3:00

so, for you math majors,
that leaves 1.5ish hours
to get the bookcase,
take a shower and leave for work.

she lives 2.5 blocks away.

i told the boy we'd run
down there and

carry it

back home


2.5 blocks, right... what the fuck.

umm... ya. did i mention that
the bookcase is eight feet high
and 1.5 of those blocks are up hill?

the good news is that we
fit right in with the junkies.
through the city

the boy was rolling his eyes everytime
i had to stop and rest.
we fought.
and fought...

fuck him, he had THREE WEEKS
to think of a better idea.

rehabbing seamus with some "slow"

so the seamus saga continues. he's out of his cast early and starting back to work.
tell me, have you ever in your life seen such a patient border collie?

Friday, May 19, 2006

this has got to be worth more than 1000

stolen from mark

i just sent in my
grad school

they say if you have a 3.2
from undergrad
that you don't have to
take the GMAT

true to form
i have a 3.15

which is not bad
considering i can't remember
the last three semesters.

i mean like i look
at the transcript
and say,
"i took shakepeare?"

wish me luck.

to daibh
who edited my essay
(i used the shortest version, daibh,
and i just can't thank you enough)

dood i have GOT to stop looking at the freestuff on craig's list

i will be the lady with 1000 dogs

coffee is a diuretic

Thursday, May 18, 2006

why do doctors
do that thing where they schedule
four people for one time slot?

this morning i went to
a doctor's appointment
that i had scheduled
3 months ago.
3 months ago
i scheduled an appointment
for this morning
at 9:00am.

i got there at 8:40
and there were 4
people there already.

at 9:15 i said (to the other
3 people who hadn't been called back yet)
"do all doctors do this?
schedule 4 people for 9:00am?
she's only got 2 rooms."

to which one lady replied
"my appointment is for 9:15"...

she got called back before me.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

chat fight

raymi: how do i put a picture here
doi nevermind
tell me i cant figure it out

kali: um hi hang

raymi: i got it

kali: oh thank god

raymi: haha
no kidding

raymi: i was almost getting really mad atyou
and i couldnt figure it out
and fil
cos we were chatting and then nothing
and then i got extremely jealous of your pictures
and music was blaring

kali: you're very needy
he has one too i guess

raymi: ;ewigoh 43oitqh43[t8hre g
no im not needy

kali: my boss was here
and you were boinking
all over the screen

raymi: needy has nothing to do with it

kali: hahahahah

raymi: oops sorry

kali: no biggie it was just funny

raymi: stop dissing me when u talk to me its annoying

kali: BOINK

raymi: ungh

kali: k sorry
mostly i'm kidding
also you're talking to me

raymi: what do u mean also yer talking to me

kali: i mean you boinked first

raymi: so it doesnt mean u have to be mean
raymi: are we in a fight

kali: yes

raymi: no we arent

kali: yes we are

raymi: i boinked you sassed

kali: ya but i've been mad
you just didn't even notice

raymi "kali: no biggie it was just funny"

kali: i mean befor TODAY duh

raymi: dude you say mad shit to me all the time

kali: you called me callous and bitter

raymi:and i let it slide

kali: you don't accept me for what i am

raymi: cos you are always being bitter and callous in my comments towards me for no reason
you insult me in every comment you make to me
and i finally called you on it

kali: i insult everybody its my HUMOR

raymi: well i dont find it funny

kali: then we are in a fight

raymi: there's funny and then there is nasty
its not my doing

kali: yes apparently you can't tell the difference

raymi:im not the only one who thinks this way

kali: ok

raymi:it doesnt matter

kali: then i am in a fight with them too

raymi: haha


raymi: if yer gonna be funny, be funny then
thats all

kali: ok thanks

raymi: u just come across as disagreeable
look u dont have to be all "oh thanks"

kali: i said ok thanks

raymi: well tone
oh nevermind

kali: i was trying to be nondisagreeable
you CANT HEAR TONE ON CHAT@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

raymi: you can from some people who usually TALK WITH TONE
ie you and me

kali: ok we're broken up -- meaning: the time where i talk to you and act like you're VERY cool even though sometimes i think you are a brat is OVER

raymi: oh well thanks for doing me that grand favor of talking to me whilst compromising your ethics kali
thank you. so. much.

raymi: wow i just reread that you're a total bitch

kali:you made me mad

raymi: yeh well yer nasty

kali: i meant it to be nasty

raymi: yeh well it's kind of patheti
"i said ok thanks"

kali: yes it is patheric

Sent at 11:10 AM on Wednesday

raymi: omg u already removed me from yer blogroll

kali: i'm good

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

cock and ball-less chili fuckers


i am so mad
mad like outlaw mad.

who the fuck do the fucking chili peppers think they are?
i fucking hate those dickless mother fuckers.

it used to be just anthony
i thought he brought them all down
fucking lead singer dude.
fuck that guy.

i thought flea had sense.
(suburbia, dudes, anyone?)
alas. he does not.

fucking california fucks i should have fucking known it.

ok, i'll start at the begining here.
once i was 14 years old
yes, it's true, eon's ago i was a young impressionable teenage girl.
hard to imagine.

and when i was fourteen, i heard this album called red hot chili peppers
by these boys called the red hot chili peppers
and it was something i never heard before
it was the shit.

i wore the cassette tape out

and then came
freaky styley
which blew my mind.
like fishbone but with a
fucking bass line to blow your mind and killer hillel guitar.
(nevermind the white rapper)
this album turned me on to parliament and sly and the family stone thank you very much red hots - i mean they covered the FUCKING meters!!!

i was hooked.
then came uplift mojo which rocked the fucking house as well
i mean "i want to party on your pussy"???

and then fucking hillel fucking overdosed instead of keidis

and out comes mothers milk which was still ok even though
fruciante fucking sucks donkey dick like only a fucking stoopid
hollywood fuck can.

and then they hit the fucking wall.

yes, some songs on the rick rubin produced blood, sugar, whatever, dude
are fun, but it marks the fucking END.
it's RHCP's black album the downhill slide

not that i needed the help, but i was at lolapalooza in 92
and the end was truly marked when somefucking jock was standing infront
of me holding up a lighter and yelling
the. end.

and now, AND NOW...
now i'm over at daibh's place
i see this new video for their 10 millionth suck ass fucking california song and in said video they're imitating/mocking my favorite bands..

the GODDAMNED misfits????
faith no MOTHERFUCKING more???

dood, that's it.
i kept my copies of freaky, uplift and mother's milk
just so i could prove that they were once cool.
i defended flea.
but now it's over.
fuck them.

they are dead to me.